Dating, friendship

He Was My Coworker, then Friend, and Now I Want Him to Be My Man

So there’s this coworker that I’ve been working with since August and I’m not sure if he straight or gay but I’m developing feelings for him. He younger than me and talks about girls all the time but then there’s little things that happened that make me think otherwise… for example we hang out a lot with one another outside of work just me and him. We went to the movies, restaurants, brought each other gifts for Christmas, even went to the spa. He facetimes me every night or so to say good night (we do chat about random stuff) and in person he looks into my eyes like he’s admiring me. He lets me wipe the cold out his eye, when we eat lunch at work he will wait for me to sit to start eating his food.

Besides me liking him he is a great person to be around and I don’t know if it’s because everything that we are doing for one another is stuff I did with my Boyfriend that passed last year so it’s giving me the impression that we’re “dating” without saying it.. lol

I have friends telling me express how I feel… but I’m scared of him distancing himself.

Others are saying don’t say anything and go with the flow.. but then my feeling most likely will get deeper with time then he hits me with “I’m straight” then my feelings will be hurt.

Then I have people saying he might have a crush on me (only me) and doesn’t know how to express it…. did I forget to mention he’s 19 (I’m 29)😫. I’m stuckkkkkk

-K

friendship, The Lifestyle

My Best Friend’s Girlfriend Doesn’t Like Me Because I’m Gay

Tavion,

I’m having a problem I need your help with. Long story short, one of my best friends is a straight guy, and we’ve known each other since middle school. About four months ago he started dating this girl who I can’t stand.  When I first met her I could tell something was off about her, but I kept my feelings to myself. I really wish I hadn’t.

Since she’s been around I don’t see my friend as much, and any time I do see him she’s right there behind him like a shadow. Not only is she there, but she looks at me with this stank face like I pissed in her grits or something. I’ve come to the conclusion that she is jealous or something like I want to screw my best friend.

Keep in mind I’ve never slept with my best friend, nor have I ever wanted to sleep with him. He’s cute and is about his business, but I’ve never wanted to cross that line with him. He’s like my blood brother. He wouldn’t cross that line with me either because he is very much into women.

What do I do in this situation? The longer this woman is around, the more attached she and my friend become. I’m nervous about our friendship. I tried asking why his girl doesn’t seem to like me, but he said she doesn’t have a problem and she’s cool. I know that’s a lie.

Advice needed,

Life is Like a Box of Chocolate.

friendship, relationships

Violating Friend Code: I Think My Friend is Trying to Take My Ex

Tavion,

First and foremost, I love what you’re doing here. Like that you created something for us by us. It’s like you’re the FUBU of advice or something. That’s definitely a throwback and not the point. The point and the question I have is about my friend and ex.

Here’s the thing, my ex and I broke up about three months ago after a two year relationship. We are still cool. About a month ago a friend of mind reached out to me and wanted to know if he could hit up my ex to help him start his business. My friend is trying to flip houses, and my ex is a realtor assessor, so it makes sense for my friend to want my ex’s advice. Of course I was cool with them talking because I support friends chasing bags. However, my friend contacted him a month ago, and now it seems like him and my ex are cool. As a matter of fact, they are too damn cool.

I feel like my friend is breaking friend code by building a friendship with someone I used to date. Especially, because I’m starting to think my friend may be catching feelings for my ex. My friend has been sneaky in the past with another friend’s ex, and I don’t want him pulling that with me. If you were me, what would you do?

From,

Believer in the Code

Dating, friendship

He Says He’s Just a Friend, But I Don’t Believe Him

Dear Tavion,

I started dating this guy about a month ago and everything was cool until I met his best friend who doesn’t live in the area. The friend came to town for his birthday, and the guy I’m seeing told me to meet them out one night so I did. At first I thought the best friend was cool. He was funny and real friendly. But as the night went on, my initial impression of the friend changed because he and the guy I like started acting like they were more than friends.

These two were flirting real heavy by the time we got to the club. Or at least that’s what it looked like to me. A few times that night they twerked on each other, and they kept whispering to each other. I tried not to trip. But then at some point in the night the friend kissed the guy I’m seeing on the lips. That’s when I got super uptight and bounced.

When I finally returned the guy’s phone call a day later, he tried to explain to me that the two are just friends and the kiss didn’t mean anything. I just don’t know if I believe him, and I don’t want to invest in a guy that already has a boyfriend but doesn’t know it. I don’t have time to be in some type of Brown Sugar situation, the movie not the song.

Those are the facts, now here’s the question. Do I take this guy at his word and believe him when he says he and his friend are just friends, or do I move on? The guy swears the two have never dated or had sex in the 7 years they’ve known each other, but my gut is my gut.

-Nobody’s Brown Sugar

friendship

It’s Only Been 7 Months, Should I Stop My Friend from Getting Married?

Dear T,

Let me start by saying how much I love your site. A cousin recommended I check it out about a week ago, and I’m hooked. You have some pretty good advice and some of the questions hit real close to home. So the reason I’m writing is because I have a question.

Okay, so about 3 weeks ago my best friend got engaged to a guy he’s only been with about 7 months. I think that’s hella of fast, but my best friend says he loves him and knows this is his husband. As much as I want to support him in his rushed relationship, yes that’s shade, I just can’t bring myself to be that happy for him. I honestly don’t like his fiancé.

His fiancé is a little shady in my opinion. The dude cheated on him like a 2 month ago with some random from the club. I thought that my friend would end things for good, but he only broke up with the guy for like a week then took him back. I rolled my eyes super hard on that one. Oh and did I mention that the fiancé is apparently not in contact with any of his family members. That is super suspicious to me.

Sorry, my question is this. Do I try and convince my friend not to get married? I don’t want him to hate me or take away my title as best man. On the other hand, I don’t want him to make such a huge mistake. He’s thinking of not signing a prenup with this fool, and my friend has a lot of coin.

Thanks,

Unsupportive But Supportive Bestie

Dating, friendship

I’ve Been Placed In the Friend Zone, but Desperately Want Out

Hi T!

First off, as a lot of others do, I like to thank you for your truly wise words in these posts. I’m not a huge fan of reading novels and I rarely read any news at all, but your posts are my bread and butter in this lower stage of my life.

So in the past, I’ve always been quick about jumping into relationships and it clouds my better judgement. After just two or three dates I truly believe that “she” is the one, but I’ve either lost feelings completely after some months, gotten cheated on or realized something dark about the person. An example could be that I found my latest ex being a racist.

Now I believe I found the one FOR REAL. She’s beautiful, smart, funny and genuinely awesome, but she doesn’t like me the same way. We’ve been close friends for a while now and we’ve shared beds without actually doing it, we’ve shared our secrets but I’m hardcore friendzoned. Another problem is that she likes to dress a bit… chilly, if you catch my drift… This is a turn on for me, of course, but that’s not truly what I want anyways and because she dresses like this, does it mean she dresses up for all the boys to be all over her or because she’s just following the stream?

So to summarize, I’ve got two questions. How do you get out of a friendzone as heavily fortified as Fort Knox? And if a girl dresses up at bit light, does that mean that she’s proud or “open for business” so to speak?

– Jöken

friendship, relationships

Should I Tell My Best Friend I’m in Love with Him? Or Should I Check My Feelings?

Hey T!

I’ve been in love with my best friend for most of our friendship, but we’ve never been able to actually have a relationship. We’ve actually been friends since first grade and now we’re both in our 30s. He was the first person I came out to, and even my very first kiss. We’ve messed around before, had threesomes, and even talked about the possibility of us having a relationship, but I don’t understand why we’ve never taken it to the next level.

What makes things worse, he has a tendency to date dudes that are way too similar to me. They’ve even had birthdays, days apart from mine. His boyfriends will either get jealous of our friendship or reach out to me to get advice on dealing with him.

His last two relationships were with two guys we were just supposed to be friends with and then he started dating them behind my back, only for me to find out later and then be forced to deal with the relationship and play the background.

Why does it seem like I’m always the rebound after he breaks up with these similar dudes? Do I need to end this friendship once and for all? Or do I just need to get my feelings in check?

– Dafeon

Dating, friendship

I Found Out the Guy I’m Dating is Also Dating My Friend

Hello Tavion,

My sister actually told me about your site so I decided to check it out, and based on what I read I think you may be able to give me some assistance. Basically, I found out that a guy I like and I’m talking to has also been talking to one of my friends at the same time. I really feel some type of way about him trying to get with me and someone I know. To add, I know the two of us aren’t committed to each other yet, but I hadn’t really been talking to other people, so I’m shocked he has been. In dude’s defense, I’m like 90% sure he doesn’t know me and my friend actually know each other, but I still feel some type of way. I’ve been acting funny with guy over the past couple days and he noticed. He asked me what’s up, and I told him I’ve been busy with work because I’m not sure what to do. My friend and I talked about the guy, and he told me he’s talking to a few guys and if I liked this one, he’ll back off. Honestly, I just don’t know what to do here. Your advice would be appreciated.

-Not Good in Triangles

friendship

My Best Friend Has a Boyfriend, and Now He Has No Time for Me

Dear T,

This site you have is pretty amazing.  I’m mad I literally just found it. Good stuff.  Anyway, let’s see if you can help me out here.  I’m so sick and tired of one of my best friends lately.  He’s been seeing his boyfriend or whatever for about a month now, and I know it’s been that long because I’ve seen his boyfriend for that long.  Not that I’m dating his boyfriend or anything, but every time I hang out with my friend these days he has to bring his boyfriend around.  If I hit my friend to go out for drinks, he brings his boyfriend.  If I hit him to go to a house party, he brings his boyfriend. If I call him to go out to eat, he’s asking if he can bring his man.  It’s like damn, can I just hang with my friend by himself.  I want to talk to my friend about it, but I’m pretty sure he’s going to blow it up into a big thing, and I don’t want to get into it.  What do you think?

-Not Jealous But Annoyed

friendship

How Do you Tell Your Best Friend The Guy He’s Seeing is NO Good?

Dear Tavion,

The problem I’m having lately is with my best friend and the guy he’s been dating.  See my best friend is one of the sweetest guys in the world. He’ll do anything for you, is always there when you need him, and always tries to see the good in people.  Me on the other hand, I’m not so trusting of people, and I’m definitely not so trusting of my friend’s man.  My gut tells me this guy is using my friend.  From what my friend tells me, every time he and this guy go out, my friend always pays.  The guy doesn’t even offer.  I also found out that my friend recently paid for this guy’s phone bill. I want to scream to my friend he’s being stupid and probably being used because he has some money, but my friend can be sensitive sometimes. Last time I tried to tell him about a man he was seeing, he got upset and we didn’t speak for a few days.  Keep in mind that I was actually right. How do I handle this situation this go around?

-Philly Tommy