I started dating this guy about a month ago and everything was cool until I met his best friend who doesn’t live in the area. The friend came to town for his birthday, and the guy I’m seeing told me to meet them out one night so I did. At first I thought the best friend was cool. He was funny and real friendly. But as the night went on, my initial impression of the friend changed because he and the guy I like started acting like they were more than friends.
These two were flirting real heavy by the time we got to the club. Or at least that’s what it looked like to me. A few times that night they twerked on each other, and they kept whispering to each other. I tried not to trip. But then at some point in the night the friend kissed the guy I’m seeing on the lips. That’s when I got super uptight and bounced.
When I finally returned the guy’s phone call a day later, he tried to explain to me that the two are just friends and the kiss didn’t mean anything. I just don’t know if I believe him, and I don’t want to invest in a guy that already has a boyfriend but doesn’t know it. I don’t have time to be in some type of Brown Sugar situation, the movie not the song.
Those are the facts, now here’s the question. Do I take this guy at his word and believe him when he says he and his friend are just friends, or do I move on? The guy swears the two have never dated or had sex in the 7 years they’ve known each other, but my gut is my gut.
-Nobody’s Brown Sugar
Let me start by saying how much I love your site. A cousin recommended I check it out about a week ago, and I’m hooked. You have some pretty good advice and some of the questions hit real close to home. So the reason I’m writing is because I have a question.
Okay, so about 3 weeks ago my best friend got engaged to a guy he’s only been with about 7 months. I think that’s hella of fast, but my best friend says he loves him and knows this is his husband. As much as I want to support him in his rushed relationship, yes that’s shade, I just can’t bring myself to be that happy for him. I honestly don’t like his fiancé.
His fiancé is a little shady in my opinion. The dude cheated on him like a 2 month ago with some random from the club. I thought that my friend would end things for good, but he only broke up with the guy for like a week then took him back. I rolled my eyes super hard on that one. Oh and did I mention that the fiancé is apparently not in contact with any of his family members. That is super suspicious to me.
Sorry, my question is this. Do I try and convince my friend not to get married? I don’t want him to hate me or take away my title as best man. On the other hand, I don’t want him to make such a huge mistake. He’s thinking of not signing a prenup with this fool, and my friend has a lot of coin.
Unsupportive But Supportive Bestie
First off, as a lot of others do, I like to thank you for your truly wise words in these posts. I’m not a huge fan of reading novels and I rarely read any news at all, but your posts are my bread and butter in this lower stage of my life.
So in the past, I’ve always been quick about jumping into relationships and it clouds my better judgement. After just two or three dates I truly believe that “she” is the one, but I’ve either lost feelings completely after some months, gotten cheated on or realized something dark about the person. An example could be that I found my latest ex being a racist.
Now I believe I found the one FOR REAL. She’s beautiful, smart, funny and genuinely awesome, but she doesn’t like me the same way. We’ve been close friends for a while now and we’ve shared beds without actually doing it, we’ve shared our secrets but I’m hardcore friendzoned. Another problem is that she likes to dress a bit… chilly, if you catch my drift… This is a turn on for me, of course, but that’s not truly what I want anyways and because she dresses like this, does it mean she dresses up for all the boys to be all over her or because she’s just following the stream?
So to summarize, I’ve got two questions. How do you get out of a friendzone as heavily fortified as Fort Knox? And if a girl dresses up at bit light, does that mean that she’s proud or “open for business” so to speak?
I’ve been in love with my best friend for most of our friendship, but we’ve never been able to actually have a relationship. We’ve actually been friends since first grade and now we’re both in our 30s. He was the first person I came out to, and even my very first kiss. We’ve messed around before, had threesomes, and even talked about the possibility of us having a relationship, but I don’t understand why we’ve never taken it to the next level.
What makes things worse, he has a tendency to date dudes that are way too similar to me. They’ve even had birthdays, days apart from mine. His boyfriends will either get jealous of our friendship or reach out to me to get advice on dealing with him.
His last two relationships were with two guys we were just supposed to be friends with and then he started dating them behind my back, only for me to find out later and then be forced to deal with the relationship and play the background.
Why does it seem like I’m always the rebound after he breaks up with these similar dudes? Do I need to end this friendship once and for all? Or do I just need to get my feelings in check?
My sister actually told me about your site so I decided to check it out, and based on what I read I think you may be able to give me some assistance. Basically, I found out that a guy I like and I’m talking to has also been talking to one of my friends at the same time. I really feel some type of way about him trying to get with me and someone I know. To add, I know the two of us aren’t committed to each other yet, but I hadn’t really been talking to other people, so I’m shocked he has been. In dude’s defense, I’m like 90% sure he doesn’t know me and my friend actually know each other, but I still feel some type of way. I’ve been acting funny with guy over the past couple days and he noticed. He asked me what’s up, and I told him I’ve been busy with work because I’m not sure what to do. My friend and I talked about the guy, and he told me he’s talking to a few guys and if I liked this one, he’ll back off. Honestly, I just don’t know what to do here. Your advice would be appreciated.
-Not Good in Triangles
This site you have is pretty amazing. I’m mad I literally just found it. Good stuff. Anyway, let’s see if you can help me out here. I’m so sick and tired of one of my best friends lately. He’s been seeing his boyfriend or whatever for about a month now, and I know it’s been that long because I’ve seen his boyfriend for that long. Not that I’m dating his boyfriend or anything, but every time I hang out with my friend these days he has to bring his boyfriend around. If I hit my friend to go out for drinks, he brings his boyfriend. If I hit him to go to a house party, he brings his boyfriend. If I call him to go out to eat, he’s asking if he can bring his man. It’s like damn, can I just hang with my friend by himself. I want to talk to my friend about it, but I’m pretty sure he’s going to blow it up into a big thing, and I don’t want to get into it. What do you think?
-Not Jealous But Annoyed
The problem I’m having lately is with my best friend and the guy he’s been dating. See my best friend is one of the sweetest guys in the world. He’ll do anything for you, is always there when you need him, and always tries to see the good in people. Me on the other hand, I’m not so trusting of people, and I’m definitely not so trusting of my friend’s man. My gut tells me this guy is using my friend. From what my friend tells me, every time he and this guy go out, my friend always pays. The guy doesn’t even offer. I also found out that my friend recently paid for this guy’s phone bill. I want to scream to my friend he’s being stupid and probably being used because he has some money, but my friend can be sensitive sometimes. Last time I tried to tell him about a man he was seeing, he got upset and we didn’t speak for a few days. Keep in mind that I was actually right. How do I handle this situation this go around?
What would you do if you were me? I’m having a hard time getting my friends, my sister, and my cousin to like my boyfriend. No matter what I do, they act like they can’t give him a break, and he’s done nothing to them. They are always cordial to him or whatever, minus my sister, but anytime we all hang out you can tell there is tension in the air. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t even bring him around when I’m with them and vice versa, and that’s no way to live. I want everybody to accept my baby and love him like I do. Or at least be happy I’ve found a good man.
If you’re thinking he’s done something to my friends and family, you’re wrong. He hasn’t done a thing to them. Directly anyway. My boyfriend cheated on me twice and my crew supported me through it each time. When I told them he changed when he and I got back together this last time, they didn’t buy it. So again, what would you do if you were me?
Hey Mr T,
I love your blog. The advice is always awesome. But I am currently talking to someone but I am in love with my best friend who is also currently talking to someone. I want to tell him how I feel but I don’t want to mess up a great friendship or make things awkward between us. We talk everyday all day. We take trips together. Do things together all the time. I just don’t know what to do because I’m in love with him but vibing with someone else. What should I do?
A lost love
It’s my first time with this so I’m hoping the advice you give will really help me out here. I’m stuck between trying to be a good friend and trying to pursue my man. Or at least I want him to be my man. Long story short, friend and I go to bar for happy hour. While there, we both meet this guy at the same time. My friend and I both find him attractive, but since I’m shy and my friend is not, he winds up making play for the guy and getting his number. While my friend’s personality is definitely bigger than mine, the guy and I clicked. Yet again, my friend got his number. When I got home later that same night, the guy sends me a friend request and DM. From that initial DM, the guy and I exchanged numbers, and have been talking nonstop for about a week and some change.
I recently told this guy, that he can’t try talking to me and talking to my friend at the same time. He assures me that he hasn’t been talking to my friend like that, but my friend keeps hitting him up. The guy showed me the text messages and it’s clear that he’s been trying to distance himself from my friend, but my friend is still in pursuit. When I asked my friend if he still talks to the guy from the bar, he says yes. But again, I know the guy is not that into him and I’ve seen it for myself.
My question for you is, what do I do? I really do like this guy and we really just vibe. On the other hand, I have my friend who I’m not trying to hurt.
The Boy Is Mine