Dating, relationships

I Landed My Gym Crush, and Now I’m a Little Disappointed

T,

What do you do when you finally land your crush and it’s not what you thought it would be? Getting straight to the point, before this whole corona thing popped off, I had a crush on this guy who I’m now dating. For about three months, I would see him at the gym when I went and would find myself so damn thirsty. He has body. So towards the end of January, I finally listened to my friends and spoke with him. And from then on, I got to know more about him and found he was cool. We’ve been dating, have some amazing sex, but there’s an issue with our conversations. I feel like our conversations aren’t great.

We talk about working out, sports, and Marvel movies a lot. Initially that was cool, but when I want to talk politics, or Bravo shows, or cultural issues, or other types of movies, our conversations are a little blah. And maybe because all this quarantining has us spending more and more time together, but I’m a little bothered by our limited talks. Not sure if I’m making a big deal out of nothing or if I was a bit shallow in trying to date him. Not sure if there is a question in there, but I’m sure you can find it.

From,
Blinded by the Muscles

Dating

He’s a Great Guy, but There’s NO Physical Attraction

Hey T,

I started dating this guy about 2 and half months ago and he’s great. He’s always concerned about making me feel special, plans great dates, and treats me like a king. There’s just one thing that I’m concerned about that bothers me. I don’t think I’m as physically attracted to him as I should be. Two of my friends told me that I should ride it out with this guy, because physical attraction can develop, and it’s not every day you come across a good guy (btw, they think he’s good looking, he’s just not my usual type). I want to stick it out with him, but not sure I’m doing him or me any favors. What do you think?

– 312

Dating, friendship

My Boyfriend and His Ex Are Friends and I’m Bothered

Hi T,

I read some of your posts and thought you could help me like you helped those other people. My boyfriend is constantly hanging around his ex and it bothers me. They aren’t hanging out one on one or anything, but they share a mutual group of friends, and so when he tells me he’s going out with his friends, the ex is usually there. I think I’d be cool with all of this, but I’ve recently seen how my boyfriend and his ex interact, and it was weird. I was around their group of friends, but it was those two that made me feel like I was on the outside. I  think they’re vibe is starting to seem like it’s more than friends. How do I tell my boyfriend to stop hanging out with his ex without sounding jealous.

-Mr. Been Over It

Dating, relationships

I Really Like this Guy, but He Ghosted Me More than Once

Dear T,

What does it mean when a guy tells you he likes you and wants to build something with you, but he then goes ghost.  He’s ghosted me more than once. Long story short, this guy who I’ve been dating for about 3 months is so up and down. One week we’re talking every day with texts and calls, and the next week he may text me 4 times over 7 days. When I asked him what the deal was, he said work gets stressful sometimes, but he doesn’t mean to offend. Said he is working toward a relationship with me, but his disappearing act pisses me off.  But he has time to like Ig photos, not that I’m stalking him. What should I do here?

-Drizzy95

Dating, relationships

My Fiance only Told Me about Two of the Three Children

Hi,

I’m having a major issue with my fiancé.  We have been together for about a year and a half.  We got engaged and bought a house together. At the beginning, when we started dating, I asked him if he had kids. To which he said yes 2 girls. After some months of dating, I got to meet them. They are wonderful girls and I love them like my own. Everything has been going great until yesterday.

As we sat to have dinner, he exposed his secret and lie all at once. He told me he had a son as well. He said he has no contact with him but he paid all of his child support till he turned 21 last year.  Well I got so upset with him about this because I feel that he betrayed my trust by not telling me about him from day one when I asked him if he had kids. And he knew about him from the time his ex was pregnant with him, so it’s not like he just found out. This lie/secret is really taking a toll on me.

Now I’m wondering what else he is hiding.  I don’t think I can ever trust him again. That was something he should have told me before we got engaged and moved in together. We have even been trying to conceive to have a little one of our own but now it’s like I don’t even know him. I, of course, flipped out on him for not telling me to the point we were down each other throats about it, especially when he found it funny that I was mad at him for this and he laughed in my face.

He doesn’t care how this has affected me. I don’t care that he has more kids. I wouldn’t care before either. It’s the fact that he lied about it and kept it a secret from me. Well our argument got so bad he broke up with me. I am lost for words and don’t know what do think. Why did he do that? Why tell me about the 2 daughters but not about his son? I just don’t get it. And then at the end break up with me because I got angry about it. Like seriously, he messed up and punished me for his mistake by breaking up with me.

-KayKay

Dating, relationships

I Love Him but Our Sex Life Is Going to Become an Issue

Hi T,

I need some advice. I’m in a fairly new relationship with this guy who I honestly do love, a lot. But I’m nervous about our sex life going forward. See I’m a top that doesn’t mind playing the other role in a committed relationship. The problem is, not only does my boyfriend not really enjoy the experience of bottoming, I don’t think he can satisfy me as a top.

It’s hard for me to be thrilled about actual sex knowing he doesn’t like bottoming, and it’s visible when we’re in the act. Our sex life isn’t a huge problem now, but I’m nervous it will be.

Thoughts?

Wanting to Be Pleased

Dating, relationships

He Broke Up with Me, But I Still Want to Be Friends

Hi, I’m so heartbroken.

My ex broke with me yesterday. We were in a face to face relationship for a year, then he leaves for school and we committed to a LDR for a year and a half, a total of 2 years and 6 months being a couple. I really really really didn’t see this coming, 10 days before breaking up he told me that I was so good to him, he told me please never give up on him or us, that I was for sure the love of his life and that he wanted everything with me. I saw him last week, I visited him and i thought we were just fine… he confessed that he had cheated on me hours before I arrived, days after he told me that I was the one without a doubt.

I cannot believe that he cheated, not after all we have been trough after all the love we have. We weren’t a toxic relationship at all, I mean everyone said that we were so rare so unreal.

I love him so so so much.

The thing is that he liked being with someone else, so he told me that this girl was no one, but having sex with someone different is what he liked, and that’s why he broke up with me, so he can enjoy his 20’s and be ready for a serious and strong loving relationship.

I don’t know if I want him back because I feel like I can’t trust him because of the cheating plus the LDR, but I just want him to love me, to worry about me, to stay in touch, to be friends but really close friends and maybe In a future, be the strong and loving couple we were.

Please advise me, do we have a future right now? Or maybe later? Can we and how can we be friends?

Dating, relationships

He Cheated on Me Because He Needed to Make Sure I Was the One

Hi T,

I am currently in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend of about 6months, it has been a very full on time from woah to go and feelings developed very quickly for each other at a level we both didn’t see coming, he is 6 years younger than me so hasn’t had as many relationships as me or life experience. He was living in the same town as me but then moved away for the summer for work. We had been planning the future together, both deciding to relocate and starting a new life together in a different city once we had both wrapped up our jobs.

He is just over a month into living in a different town than me. I had just spent an amazing extended weekend with him the first time we had seen each other in person since he left. It has now come out, about a week ago (the day after I left) that he cheated on me with a girl he barely knew who had no idea we were together, the girl contacted me. They didn’t have sex but kissed and fooled around a wee bit. I asked him if he had done something that would hurt me and he straight away said yes. His reasoning behind doing it was a very backwards way of figuring out for himself if I was truely who he wanted to be, as like I said it had been a very full on and intense progression of our relationship and him being that bit younger he was scared about how he had found me so early on in his life. He knew straight after this meeting with this girl that yes I was the one he loves and wants to be with.  He said he had blanked it from his memory that he had done this as it meant absolutely nothing to him, he doesn’t want to even remember that he has done it. He didn’t want me to find out as he knew it would really hurt me but he also knew I would find out because I can read him like a book.

I do truly love this guy and see my future with him, he had not changed his tune at all with talking about the future and planning things together after what he had done. Of course I am really hurt with it what has happened but it will take me time to trust him again.

I guess the advice I want from you T is it possible that cheating with someone else like this is a way of figuring things out for himself? How do I move forward with him and learn to trust him again, especially as we still have 4/5 months of long distance before he was going to move in with me.

He has gone into a mode of why would I want to be with him after he has done this, his parents are pretty mad at him for what he has done and friends really disappointed. He is hurting because he has hurt me so much. I am worried that this will spell the end for us as it seems too much doubt has crept into his mind with how he views himself, and how I deserve better.

C

Dating

I’m Over 30 and Never Been in a Relationship. How Do I Not Be Single

Hey Tot—
I’m single and just turned 33, and have been single for 33 years lol. Plus, sex isn’t really a habit in my life including self-pleasure. I don’t know where to begin when it comes to dating, a relationship, or building a healthy sex life.
I am an actor currently touring the country with a Broadway musical. I am verse/bottom. I am pretty handsome. I am also inexperienced, and it weakens me a bit.

Where do I start?

-ART

Dating, relationships

I Pay the Mortgage, But My Boyfriend Won’t Add Me to the Deed

Hey buddy…I’ve read your stories for a while and never thought I’d need your advice but here I am…lol…so me and my dude have been dating for two years…we’ve been permanently living together for about a year and a half…he bought another house so we could live together…i pay the mortgage and the condo fees and he pays the utilities…we’ve been disagreeing because i want more stability if something happens to him… like my name on the deed of the house…but he’s adamant against that.

I took out an insurance policy on myself for him if i were to die…he was supposed to get one on himself for me but couldn’t because he already had one with that company and doesn’t want to do the medical portion of it…not sure why, but it is what it is…his solution is if something happens to him I get to live in the place until I decide to move…that’s not fair to me…i feel like i should still have just as much stability as he will if something happens to me…how can i explain myself more to him or am i being unreasonable…all of the people who I’ve spoke to about it, the people i confide in, have said that I’m not being unreasonable and that if he doesn’t see my point then maybe i should reconsider living with him and paying his mortgage…I’m torn…i love him but I’m also at an age where i can’t take those chances…i feel like if we’re going to be in a partnership then we need to be partners…not him in charge and me playing house…what do you think?

 

-Black