I’m going to try and be brief about this. Unlike all of my friends, I’m not in a relationship nor do I desire to be in one. I enjoy my independence, and like being able to be with whoever I want, no strings attached. But my friends just can’t accept I don’t want an official boo. I did the relationship thing, and I don’t miss it. This all brings me to my question. Is not wanting a relationship normal, and okay?
Thanks in advance,
Dear According to T,
I’ve been looking for this person who would bring me back to a place of loving that I recently lost. I think I’ve found him. We laugh together, share personal moments, and have been intimate once, which was amazing. Here’s my personal war, he’s very plugged into social issues and is very liberated in his thinking. He identifies as queer, loves drag (and does it), and is not dogmatic. In recent months, I’ve learned that my belief system is shifting and I enjoy whimsical faith. He makes me feel free, but at times I feel his thinking is light years beyond my own and I worry that I’m shallow, even though he doesn’t see me that way. Should I try to plug myself in more to political and social issues just to be able to keep up with him?
I’m hitting you up because I could use some advice. Everything is going well in my life right now, and I’d like to top things off with a good relationship. Every man wants someone to share his life with. You know? It’s been a few years since I’ve been in one, and now I think I’m ready. And even though I’m really picky about who I date, I think I may have found my future babe. The only thing is, I’m not sure if they look at me like that. See the person is my trainer I’ve been working with for the past few weeks. They’re mad cool, and have many of the traits I look for in a partner. But again, I just don’t know how they feel or if they even look at me as more than a client. Plus, since the person is my trainer, I don’t want to ruin what we have professionally. What do you think I should do here?
Addicted to Nike
Truthfully, I used to be somewhat of a hoe. There were times in the past all a dude had to do was be fine, flash his smile, and grab his junk, and I would be bent right over. Heck, I didn’t even know the last name of some of these guys. But now, I just want more out of life. I want a relationship and want to be someone’s bae. I’ve been told in order to get that, I’ve got to close my hole for business for a while. So I’m going to try and abstain from having sex for a little bit, but it’s like telling someone that eats meat every day to become an instant vegetarian. Do you have any suggestions? Do I really have to abstain?
Young & Meatless
I heard about your blog from Instagram, and decided to hit you up since you keep things anonymous and all. I’m not really out the closet or whatever yet, and don’t have friends I can ask about this whole gay lifestyle, so I’m coming to you. Here’s the thing. I’ve never had sex with a man. I’ve always wanted to, but never did because I knew what that would mean. But now since I have started to accept that I like men, I think I’m ready. I started messaging back and forth with this guy I met on one of these apps, and we’ve been talking about meeting up. Crazy thing is, I’m really nervous. I probably shouldn’t be because I’ve had sex with girls, but I am. So do you have any advice for a virgin gay? I mean what was your first time like?
Gay Cherry Poppin
Is it really impossible to meet a boyfriend on Jack’d, Grindr, or other apps like that? My friends say those things are just hook up sites. And granted I haven’t met a guy with relationship potential yet on Jack’d, but I’d like to hold out some hope. What do you think?
Appreciate the response,
BGC Live 91
I’m not really seeking advice about dating or relationships, but you did say people can ask you anything, so I’m asking. I kind of feel like I’m failing in life. I had always envisioned that by the time I was 30, I would be in a career I loved, with a man that adored me, and in a nice house with a dog. Unfortunately, I’m 28 going on 29, and I’m not even close to achieving any of this. I’m up to my neck in student loans, can’t find a GOOD man anywhere, and I’m stuck in a job I hate that’s going nowhere. Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful for what I do have; but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little disappointed. I guess my question is, do you think I should feel like a failure? I hoping you can help.
I’m going to try and keep this brief. Since social media has become such a big thing now, I’ve become increasingly more insecure. Men are posting pics of themselves with their rippling abs, their superman chests, their Hulk like arms, and their huge legs and butts that can crack walnuts. And then I look at me. Standing at 6’2″, weighing 240, with a medium/large build, a keg for a stomach, and a butt barely visible. Thankfully I’ve been told I have a nice smile and dimples. But honestly, how is a guy like me supposed to catch someone with mini versions of Captain America and the Black Panther walking around out here?
I’m on the fence about dating this guy I met, and I’m hoping you can help me out a bit. He seems like a good guy. He has a great job, is very funny, his smile is sexy, and surprisingly he has an amazing ass. However, he’s white and I’m black. And please don’t think I’m a racist or something. It’s just that when I envisioned my boo, it was a man of color. I can’t imagine bringing a white man around my friends, or taking one home to meet my mom. Plus, we come from different cultures. I’m not sure if I’m talking myself out of something that I don’t need to or what. That’s where your advice comes in. Thanks in advance for help.
I have a question for you. Is it really impossible to get out of the friend zone? I have this good friend that I’ve been cool with for about 4 years, and I want more than friendship. When he and I first met, it was at a mutual friend’s birthday party. I remember initially thinking at that party how sexy he was, and that I wanted to sleep with him bad. However, we wound up just talking that night and built a really great platonic relationship. Since then, we’ve been in the friend zone. And it’s not like I’ve been pining away for him for four years or anything. I’ve dated other guys, but it’s never worked out with any of them. He on the other hand, has been in a relationship with some dude for 2 years. Although, word on the street is his boyfriend has been cheating on him. I guess that’s beside the point. Anyway, do you think I should risk our friendship and tell my friend how I feel about him? I was actually thinking of a plan to tell him about his boyfriend sleeping around on him, comfort him for a week or two, then make my move. I appreciate the help.
Gay Cleveland Brown.