I feel low. My sister has this friend who I’ll call Ari for the sake of this letter. The weekend before Thanksgiving we all went to another friend’s Friendsgiving, and that’s where I met Ari’s new boyfriend. I’ll admit that when I first saw him, I thought he was fine fine. But because he’s Ari man and I thought he was “straight” I just let it go. Unfortunately, the liquor kept flowing that night and this guy kept flirting with me on the low, and I’ll admit I kept flirting with him. Nothing happened that night.
A week after Friendsgiving, I get a new friend and DM on Instagram. This guy sent me the one message telling me it was nice to meet me and that I should add him on Snapchat. Snapchat is where it popped off. The messages we exchanged got flirty again, and that’s when we started sending pics back and forth. Once I saw the meat, I knew I was going to forget about Ari, and that’s what happened. We agreed he’d come over and we had sex. It was good too. At least that’s what I thought.
Since that night we hooked up, I haven’t heard from him. He hasn’t responded to my messages on Snapchat, and the message he sent on Instagram has been removed by him. He ghosted me. Not only do I feel a way about him disappearing on me, but I feel so damn guilty for sleeping with my sister’s friend’s man. Ari is cool, and even though she’s my sister’s bff, I’m friends with her too. I want to tell my sister about what happened and even Ari, because I feel they should know what kind of man this guy is. But I don’t know. What do you think?
Dude I was talking to has been pissed at me for about three days now. Here’s the thing, he’s a great guy that I’m falling for hard. He just has one flaw that I can see right now that drives me up the freakin wall. I hate the underwear he has because they are just so old. Let me be clear, they aren’t dirty underwear with skid marks and things. They are just old. They are fading and some of the elastic is damn near gone. I promise you I’ve seen a hole in a pair or two, which I guess is quick access for me. But the underwear being old is a bit of a turnoff. Then I see his body, and I’m like forget the draws.
Trying to rectify the problem and be honest, I asked him when is the last time he invested in underwear? I even suggested he let me buy him some, which is crazy because he has a good job and could buy his own. He got all offended and thought I was trying to embarrass him. I can’t believe something so stupid as fresh draws caused an issue.
I sent him text messages trying to explain where I was coming from and told him I wasn’t being shady, but I barely got a thumbs up emoji in reply. This is dumb because I don’t think we should be arguing over this, and I won’t apologize because I’m not sorry. What you think?
-Anti Old Draws
I’ve been speaking and emailing with a guy from our IT department. He’s awesome and thoughtful. Does not have a social media presence, go to the gym, have a sense of humor, likes the count on Sesame Street, works very hard and is very helpful to everyone. If things were not so complicated in my life right now I would definitely see where this could lead.
I must confess that I have been flirting with him and selfishly gave the impression that I am interested. He has now asked to meet over a “beverage” but has thoughtfully said that he’s happy to make a site visit at my work so that I can see if he’s someone I would like to have a “beverage” with (we have never met each other). I like him but I don’t want to hurt him. I would be keen to know what you think of him from what little information I have provided and any advice on what I should do.
Should I leave this married man alone? Before I’m judged, let me say this is not a situation where I’m having a real life affair or anything. The guy I’m seeing is technically still married, but he’s in the middle of divorcing his wife. He filed for divorce about 7 months ago. Him and his wife are just waiting on their house to sell so they can finalize things. Now I’ve been dating this man going on 2 months, and things have been real cool for the most part. I can see us becoming an official couple. However, for the past week and a half I’ve been noticing he’s been talking to his ex-wife more and doing things for her.
Right now she still lives in the house they’re selling, and something was going on with the water heater. Instead of calling a plumber, she called my man over to come fix it. Keep in mind that he is nobody’s plumber. Then he pushed back a date with me so can help his ex-wife’s parents clean out their basement, because the ex-wife will be moving into it temporarily with their four year old daughter (yeah this man has a kid). I get that he and his ex will always have a bond because of their daughter, but I don’t want to get more serious with this man if I’m going to be on the bottom of his list of priorities. Or if he will run back to her. Kid can go before me, but an ex and her parents, absolutely not.
-Ms. Won’t Settle
Love the site. Your advice hits a whole different kind of way. Hoping I can get some of that good advice. See I’ve been seeing this man I really like for a month now. It hasn’t been that long but to say he’s got me thirsty is an understatement. The problem is I found out 2 days ago that he’s the ex of a new friend of mine. Well maybe friend is too strong of a word, let’s say coworker I’m cool with and we’ve been to happy hour once or twice in 3 months. Now my best friend said I owe this coworker at least a heads up if I’m not going to ask permission, but I don’t even want to give him that. I mean I only found out this guy was my coworker’s ex through a story the guy told and I put two and two together and asked this guy if he was talking about my coworker.
What do you think? Do I owe my coworker anything?
-Mr. Rome Dolla
I’m having a hard time trying to decide on what to do about my boyfriend, well hopeful fiancé. We’ve been together for about two and a half years now, and I’m ready to make him mine. I mean we already live together and have a dog, but I’m ready to take that next step. I’m pretty sure he’s ready too. The only problem is my family isn’t supportive of us getting married.
It’s not that my family doesn’t support gay marriage, they just don’t like my boyfriend. In fact they can’t stand him. My mom and sister especially think he doesn’t pay for anything, and will hurt me again. He cheated on me a year ago once, but after time and a little counseling, we got back together. I’ve forgiven him, but my family is still salty about it.
Anyway, I’m grown and can do what I want, but I want my family to be okay with this engagement and eventual marriage. I just don’t know how to make this work. Any ideas?
-RJ Sims 92
This man I’m seeing is amazing. He looks good, smells good, is smart, funny, and fine. I mean fine. Since he has all this going on and I’m so damn attracted to him, I thought when we had sex it would be some of the best I ever had. Unfortunately, when we had sex a couple of nights ago I was turned off by his mouth. It was filthy, and not in the good way.
I’m not sure who he’s had sex with in the past, but I don’t like being called out my name. He literally called me foul names during sex. He called me things like “my filthy slut” and “daddy’s b$tch boy.” I promise I wanted to punch him when he said it, but I just let it slide because I do like him. I’m supposed to go on a date with him in a few days when he gets back from visiting his family, and if we have sex again, I can’t have him talking to me like that. One of my best friends told me just to suck it up and let him say what he’s going to say so I don’t make sex boring for this guy. My friend things if I don’t put up with the names, some other man will. But I don’t want to feel disrespected. What would you do?
-Say My Name
I love your honest raw well written post. Thank you. I am seeing a widower. It is very new and completely uncharted waters for both parties. This month is a year anniversary of her passing. I have stepped back and provided more space than ever, as I would want. She had been very ill and he very care-giving for several years prior. I am giving him space, boundaries (which I highly believe in anyway and have often called out men in past regarding lack of), and baby steps. Frankly I am not ready to be hurt nor to jump into anything. My ex bf I left years ago but he passed suddenly and too young just this past January. So essentially, it seems right.
I am not allowing intimacy and he is not pushing it, he is very respectful, yet I totally feel the intense connection and possibilities but I do have fear. More than any relationship – I have ever been concerned about. Why? Because I adore this man. I feel him. His intensity, the future possibilities. I have went thru relationships in the past and I was not fully vested, I know it and it was not fair to the partner. I was never mean or rude but still I knew it my heart, deep down, they were not the one. This one seems legitimately wonderful on so many levels and none have to do with him losing his wife in the manner he did. I am torn, very torn. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks so much.
My boyfriend just doesn’t understand why I don’t want to meet his parents. My boyfriend is white and grew up in a small town in Arkansas, and his mom and dad are republicans. Given all that’s going on and given he’s my first white boyfriend, I don’t want to meet his parents at this time. I get those are his parents and I’ll probably have to meet them, but I’m not there yet. We’ve been together for 6 months. I guess my question here is would you suck it up and meet the parents now? I mean my boyfriend is really riding my ass about this and not in a good way.
-Mr. Dark Knight 93
P.S. My boyfriend is definitely not a republican
Love your advice, been a fan for a while. There’s a friend that I have that I’m insanely attracted to. He knows that I’m attracted to him but I’ve never “tried” him because he’s not interested. He says that we’re like family and he’s not feeling me like that. I don’t see us like that.
Well…recently he created an online platform for adult entertainment (onlyfans, jutforfans, etc). I’m a subscriber to his platform. I haven’t told him this. I also have been making suggestions for different content he should produce anonymously as a patron on the website. At first I was cool with this but now I think I might be treading on boundaries. Am I wrong for this? Thanks for the advice
Might Be Grimy