Dating

That First Time!!!

Hi T,

I heard about your blog from Instagram, and decided to hit you up since you keep things anonymous and all.  I’m not really out the closet or whatever yet, and don’t have friends I can ask about this whole gay lifestyle, so I’m coming to you.  Here’s the thing.  I’ve never had sex with a man.  I’ve always wanted to, but never did because I knew what that would mean.  But now since I have started to accept that I like men, I think I’m ready.  I started messaging back and forth with this guy I met on one of these apps, and we’ve been talking about meeting up.  Crazy thing is, I’m really nervous.  I probably shouldn’t be because I’ve had sex with girls, but I am.  So do you have any advice for a virgin gay?  I mean what was your first time like?

From,

Gay Cherry Poppin

Dating, relationships, The Lifestyle

Is 30 too Old for a Midlife Crisis?

Dear T,

I’m not really seeking advice about dating or relationships, but you did say people can ask you anything, so I’m asking.  I kind of feel like I’m failing in life.  I had always envisioned that by the time I was 30, I would be in a career I loved, with a man that adored me, and in a nice house with a dog.  Unfortunately, I’m 28 going on 29, and I’m not even close to achieving any of this.  I’m up to my neck in student loans, can’t find a GOOD man anywhere, and I’m stuck in a job I hate that’s going nowhere.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful for what I do have; but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little disappointed.  I guess my question is, do you think I should feel like a failure?  I hoping you can help.

Thankfully,

Almost 30

relationships

While He’s Flirting, I’m Jealous

 Dear T,

My damn boyfriend is driving me crazy.  As much as I love him, lately I’ve been wanting to kick his ass.  When I tell you he is biggest flirt, I mean it.  He’ll flirt with members at the gym, employees at the grocery store, waiters at any restaurant, and men on IG.  When I mention the problem I have with his flirting, he always respond the same way.  “Babe you know I’m not cheating, I love you.”  And then my personal favorite, “You know I’m just a natural flirt, it means nothing.  Don’t you trust me?”  I mean I do trust him, but man.  What do you think I should do here?

From,

Angry Bey

The Lifestyle

In the Wake of THE Decision

Hey guys and girls,

Happy Monday to each of you! I was going to answer another question and offer some more advice today, but once again I feel pressed to speak my mind about something.  Although this is a sensitive topic and I hope not to offend, I wanted to share my thoughts on homosexuality and Christianity.

Following the historic decision of the U.S. Supreme Court on Friday, I started noticing the expected backlash from the gay/lgbt opponents. Some notable gospel artists expressed their “disappointment” with the Court, and the overall direction of progress in this country. While conservative presidential nominee hopefuls, have come out the box swinging, claiming the justices have made a grave error, and God still only views marriage as a sacred union between a man and a woman. And heck, some folks have even threatened to burn themselves and dissolve their heterosexual marriage, all in an attempt to stand up for Christianity. I’m not only offended by such opposition as a gay man, but as a Christian as well.

Despite what some would like to believe, I don’t think homosexuality is a polar opposite of Christianity, nor do I believe homosexuals are the enemy. And I get there are a few passages in the Bible that openly speak out against same-sex coupling, but the Bible also speaks out against slaves disobeying masters, and women not being fully submissive. I’m not suggesting the Bible is not true in its entirety, but rather perhaps some of the Bible is reflective of the times it was written.  And to my recollection by the way, Jesus himself didn’t mention homosexually specifically in the Bible.  However, He did mention the responsibility we have to love one another.

And newsflash believers in Christ!  Two main components about being Christian is loving your fellow man and ministering to others.  Many gay non-believers are not rushing to Jesus, all due to the judgmental (and often ignorant) expressions from a few that wave the Christian banner.  Where is the love in telling someone “you’re going to hell,” or “God hates you”?  Where is the ministry in condemnation?

I’d also like to point out, that the judgmental (and often ignorant) expressions have the power to drive gay believers from the church. And worse yet, drive them to serious states of depression and even suicide. There are countless stories out there of LGBT individuals taking their life in part because of certain pressures applied by Christian conservatives.

And look, I’m NOT saying that everyone must approve of homosexuality either. People are entitled to their opinion, and I respect that.  Besides, I think it’s difficult for someone to approve of what they don’t understand.  Many Christians, and people in general, don’t get that being gay isn’t a choice, but a personal trait.  Heck, until I came to accept myself, I didn’t get it either. However, I’ve come to realize that trying not to be gay is like trying not to be black or not to have brown eyes. Yeah I can buy skin bleaching agents and color contacts, but at the end of the day, I’ll never escape the real me.

What I AM saying, is that everyone should learn to respectfully disagree, and allow God to judge in his timing.  If I as a gay man am not serving as judge in your meeting with God in the afterlife, don’t attempt to serve as mine.  Also, I think people should come to realize that if same-sex marriage is something they don’t agree with, then they don’t need to do it! Point, blank, period! Just know that if I choose to jump the broom, I will because it’s now my nationally recognized right to do so!

In an attempt to wrap this up, let me just make a few final quick points.

  1. If you’re out there reading this and you are anti-Christianity or have turned away from God because of a run in with a specific church or church members, please don’t give up on your relationship with Christ. I promise you Christ loves you, and is willing and ready to embrace anyone that comes to him.  Don’t allow a bad experience or encounter with the church or its members to deter you from having the greatest relationship one can have in life. Think of it this way, if you have a bad experience with a restaurant, you won’t stop eating.  You’ll simply go to another restaurant to find nourishment!
  1. The national legalization of same-sex marriage was about awarding basic civil rights. It had nothing to do with launching an attack on “Christian values.” So if certain Christians aren’t offend by accepting “gay” tax money, “gay” tithes, and “gay” contributions to society (via certain athletes, politicians, entertainers, and businessmen), then they shouldn’t be so offended if gay and lesbian couples are heading to the alter.
  1. I once heard “that the best thing some Christians can do for the faith, is hide their membership!” I now understand the expression.
  1. Fasten your seatbelt people! The court may have sided with the LGBT community, but my “spidey senses” tell me this fight is long from over.

As always nothing but love,

T.

The Lifestyle

“I Do.” Marriage Equality is Finally here

Hey all,

I know you guys are used to me handing out advice; but, today I felt the need to discuss the U.S. Supreme Court’s recent verdict on same-sex marriage.  Believe it or not, I, as a black gay man, I once stood in opposition to the issue.  Shocking I know!    However, back in the day I really didn’t accept myself as gay; and therefore; couldn’t accept the idea that two people of the same sex should be married.  Additionally, I’m Christian and due to some teachings, I had a hard time conceptualizing God’s approval of LGBT marriages.  However, after some soul searching, prayer, and self-evolution into the man I am today, I realized how WRONG I was.  We in the LGBT community have a right to love who we want to love, and marry who we want to marry. And, I don’t believe it’s anyone’s job to play God in deciding what’s acceptable under the umbrella of love and marriage.  But I do believe it’s everyone’s job to acknowledge basic civil rights, and the U.S. Supreme Court seems to agree.

Dating

Confidence is Sexy!

Hey T,

I’m going to try and keep this brief. Since social media has become such a big thing now, I’ve become increasingly more insecure. Men are posting pics of themselves with their rippling abs, their superman chests, their Hulk like arms, and their huge legs and butts that can crack walnuts. And then I look at me. Standing at 6’2″, weighing 240, with a medium/large build, a keg for a stomach, and a butt barely visible. Thankfully I’ve been told I have a nice smile and dimples. But honestly, how is a guy like me supposed to catch someone with mini versions of Captain America and the Black Panther walking around out here?

Sincerely,

D.C. Marvelous

friendship, The Lifestyle

Too Much Support!!!!

Dear T,

My best friend is getting on my last damn nerve lately. She was incredibly supportive when I told her I’m gay, but now her support is a little annoying.  Out of nowhere she has started talking to me using gay lingo. It’s like she thought I no longer understood her if she didn’t say things like chile, and hunny, and shady boots.  She also keeps trying to set me up with every gay man she knows of, not knowing anything about the guy other than he’s gay.  I think the most irritating thing is that she now tries to use me as her own personal gaydar.  Every time she dates a new guy, she’s asking me if I think he gets down. So how do I guess check her, without losing a friend or hurting her feelings?

Appreciate the advice,

Gaydar89

Dating

Dating Outside of Your Race is OK People!!!!!

Dear T,

I’m on the fence about dating this guy I met, and I’m hoping you can help me out a bit.  He seems like a good guy. He has a great job, is very funny, his smile is sexy, and surprisingly he has an amazing ass. However, he’s white and I’m black. And please don’t think I’m a racist or something. It’s just that when I envisioned my boo, it was a man of color. I can’t imagine bringing a white man around my friends, or taking one home to meet my mom. Plus, we come from different cultures. I’m not sure if I’m talking myself out of something that I don’t need to or what. That’s where your advice comes in. Thanks in advance for help.

Sincerely,

GuessWho

Dating, friendship

Breaking out of “The Friend Zone”

Hi T,

I have a question for you.  Is it really impossible to get out of the friend zone?  I have this good friend that I’ve been cool with for about 4 years, and I want more than friendship.  When he and I first met, it was at a mutual friend’s birthday party.  I remember initially thinking at that party how sexy he was, and that I wanted to sleep with him bad.  However, we wound up just talking that night and built a really great platonic relationship.  Since then, we’ve been in the friend zone.  And it’s not like I’ve been pining away for him for four years or anything.  I’ve dated other guys, but it’s never worked out with any of them.  He on the other hand, has been in a relationship with some dude for 2 years.  Although, word on the street is his boyfriend has been cheating on him.  I guess that’s beside the point.  Anyway, do you think I should risk our friendship and tell my friend how I feel about him?  I was actually thinking of a plan to tell him about his boyfriend sleeping around on him, comfort him for a week or two, then make my move.  I appreciate the help.

Thankfully,

Gay Cleveland Brown.