Dating, relationships, The Lifestyle

Who Picks Up the Check?

Dear T,

Quick question for you.  I’m a man and I’ve started dating men, but I’m slightly confused about the gay dating protocol.   Since we are two men, who pays when we go out?  I mean when I was dating women, I usually would pay because I grew up thinking that was the gentlemen thing to do.  Anyway, your advice is appreciated.

From,

Adam4Adam’90

The Lifestyle

The Black Greek Shun!

Dear T,

So I’m not sure if you know about black Greek stuff or not, but I’m going to go ahead and ask you for some advice about it.  I became a member of a fraternity about two years ago. At first, it was real cool being a part of the brotherhood.  My line brothers and I were always about are business, and we had the best times when we went to parties and on road trips.  Well about a few months ago, my line brothers found out a secret I’ve been keeping, and my relationship with them hasn’t been the same since.  Due to some campus gossips I lived by at college, my brothers found out I’m gay and have a boyfriend.   Being the stereotypical black heterosexual men they are, they’ve pretty much shunned me.  They talk to me as little as possible, and no longer invite me out when they go places.  I have one line brother that is cool with me when it’s just us, but when he gets around my other frat, he says nothing while I’m getting treated poorly.  Since the summer started, I thankfully don’t have to be around all that tension.  However, the fall semester is going to start soon and I’m not looking forward to the bullshit.  Been thinking about just stepping away from the fraternity altogether in August.  And heck I’m chapter president, and do most of the fraternal paperwork.  But I’m tired of the piss pore treatment, and overall discrimination from my own brotherhood.  Any advice you can give me on how I should proceed going forward, is greatly appreciated.  I’m going to be a senior and just want to enjoy my last year in college.

Thankfully,

Half Pint

Pop Culture

Pet Peeves of Social Media

Hello folks,

I’ve come to realize that social media has really empowered many people and given them a voice.  These persons wouldn’t have a voice in communities without platforms such as Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook.  And therein lies the problem.  These platforms have given some people a license to be bullies, and others an opportunity to vent their sincerest form of ignorance.  And then there are those that feel social media is the place to spew every negative emotion they are feeling.  Honestly, all three mentioned uses of social interaction tend to get on my last nerve.

friendship, The Lifestyle

Ugh…I’m So Embarrassed!

Dear T,

I love my friend but he acts too gay sometimes.  When we go out in public there are instances when I feel slightly embarrassed by his behavior.  Especially, when we are around my family who are still warming up to the fact I’m gay.  I don’t know if I should say something to him or just bite my tongue.  I know saying something may hurt his feelings, and I don’t want to do that.  However, I wish he would tone it down a bit.  I look forward to hearing what you think I should do.

Sincerely,

Lucky Lyon

friendship

Drunken Nights

Dear T,

I don’t really have a question about dating or relationships, but I have a question nonetheless.  When me and my group of friends go out, one of them, who I’ll refer to as X, always gets to drunk.  I mean we could all be drinking, but usually without fail X will go too far.  When he gets drunk he starts talking very loudly and aggressively with us and strangers.  Plus, X gets super flirtatious.  Many times he has grabbed some guy’s a$$ or crotch. And often the grabbing is not wanted.  Needless to say, his behavior has caused my friends and me to be embarrassed and involved in several altercations.  We tried talking to X about his behavior, and he either doesn’t get that he is reckless drunk, or he doesn’t care.  What would you do in this situation?

From,

Ricky Minaj

friendship, The Lifestyle

Supporting What You Don’t Understand!

Dear T,

I have a question for you.  I’m not actually gay, but my best friend of 12 years has recently come out to me, and I’m not quite sure how to proceed with our friendship.  We met each other at our home church, and there I learned and accepted to a degree that homosexuality is not right in God’s eyes.  So still believing that, how do I give my friend my approval of his new lifestyle?  I realize you are not necessarily a leading scholar on Christianity, but I came across one of your posts on Instagram and you appear to be gay and Christian.  So I thought you could offer up some advice.  Btw, please don’t take any offense to my letter.

Best regards,

Ashley from Around the Way

Dating, relationships

Living Single…And I Want to Stay that Way!

 Dear T,

I’m going to try and be brief about this. Unlike all of my friends, I’m not in a relationship nor do I desire to be in one.  I enjoy my independence, and like being able to be with whoever I want, no strings attached.  But my friends just can’t accept I don’t want an official boo. I did the relationship thing, and I don’t miss it. This all brings me to my question. Is not wanting a relationship normal, and okay?

Thanks in advance,

King Kunta11

Dating, relationships

Stay True to You! You Owe It to You and Your Boo!

 Dear According to T,

I’ve been looking for this person who would bring me back to a place of loving that I recently lost. I think I’ve found him. We laugh together, share personal moments, and have been intimate once, which was amazing. Here’s my personal war, he’s very plugged into social issues and is very liberated in his thinking.  He identifies as queer, loves drag (and does it), and is not dogmatic.  In recent months, I’ve learned that my belief system is shifting and I enjoy whimsical faith. He makes me feel free, but at times I feel his thinking is light years beyond my own and I worry that I’m shallow, even though he doesn’t see me that way. Should I try to plug myself in more to political and social issues just to be able to keep up with him?

Thanks,
Questioning Queer

relationships

Hop Off His Ride So You Can Think!

Dear T,

I think I’m addicted to my ex-boyfriend/current boyfriend depending on the day.  We have been off and on for about 3 and half years now.  We will be good for about 2 months, and then all of a sudden he will do something that pisses me off and cause me to want to break up with him.  I mean he’s lied to me, cheated on me, and he can be so immature sometimes.  However, he also makes me laugh like no other, and he has given me some of the best surprises I’ve ever received.  Plus, the sex with him is beyond amazing.  I mean I’ve been with other guys, but none of them even come close to this man in the bedroom.  My friends say great surprises and mind blowing sex aren’t everything, and if me and the ex break up as often as we do, maybe I should move on.  But I can’t bring myself to let him go.  Say I move on and find another guy that doesn’t cheat, is mature, and always treats me right, but the sex is terrible.  I think if I work with the ex and help him grow up a little, I will have my perfect man.  Please tell me what you think?

Dream Catcher89

Dating

I Know You’re My Trainer, But Are You Single?

Hey T,

I’m hitting you up because I could use some advice.  Everything is going well in my life right now, and I’d like to top things off with a good relationship.  Every man wants someone to share his life with.  You know?  It’s been a few years since I’ve been in one, and now I think I’m ready.  And even though I’m really picky about who I date, I think I may have found my future babe.  The only thing is, I’m not sure if they look at me like that. See the person is my trainer I’ve been working with for the past few weeks.  They’re mad cool, and have many of the traits I look for in a partner.  But again, I just don’t know how they feel or if they even look at me as more than a client.  Plus, since the person is my trainer, I don’t want to ruin what we have professionally.  What do you think I should do here?

From,

Addicted to Nike