I’m having a slight issue with my friends about the guy I’m dating. Don’t judge me but I started talking to this guy about three months ago, so yes during the pandemic, but I’ve been careful. Anyway, this guy is amazing so far. His communication is great, he makes me laugh, cooks some good food, and the sex is on point. There’s just one thing. He’s younger than me, and sometimes it shows. I’m 36 and he’s 22, and our taste in music is different, we don’t necessarily watch all the same things, and I’ve lived more life and experienced more things. Also, I’m pretty sure if the clubs were open here he’d be in them, and I’ve outgrown that time of my life.
My friends think I’m just playing with this guy and having fun, and can’t believe I’m serious about him. But I really do like him and am interested in seeing where it goes with him, despite his somewhat immaturity at times. Sick of my friends’ judgment. Guess what I’m asking is do you think my friends are right? Is whatever we’re doing just a result of these pandemic circumstances?
-Have a Tenderoni
I hope that you are well. As always, I enjoy your site and the advice that you give so I am reaching out. Here is my dilemma. I am HIV Undetectable. When dating, I oftentimes wonder when to disclose to my dating partner. I don’t want to mention it too soon and scare him off. I also don’t want to wait too late, especially if it’s a “deal-breaker” for him. Do you have any advice on the right time to disclose HIV status so no one is wasting their time but giving a fair chance for things to develop?
-Soon to Be Late
Hey folks. I’m just going to get right to it. Go check out my scripted series Majoring in Me the Podcast! The first five episodes are up on major podcasting platforms, and I’m getting great feedback from people. And to those people, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.
There is so much that goes into each of these episodes, so hearing the positive compliments truly means a lot. (By the way, I now know why Issa hasn’t let us fans pressure her into making Insecure an hour-long show. It’s a ton of work.)
Now for those who haven’t started listening yet, you’re missing out on the story of a young Black gay man trying to awkwardly navigate his way through college. But then again, I don’t know how things wouldn’t get a little “awkward” when you’ve lived all your life faking it as a heterosexual boy to then start living as a gay man (without “practice” or “guidance”). And then on top of that, you’re forced into building a relationship with a parent that pretty much ghosted you since infancy.
However, before I give away too much, just go listen to Majoring in Me the Podcast. And if you’ve already heard the podcast and are a fan, like it, subscribe, and share the link.
This is going to sound weird because it is weird. My boyfriend recently came to me and told me he had a confession. I thought he was going to tell me he cheated, but instead, he said he hadn’t cheated but felt like he wanted to cheat. He apparently said he sometimes feels like hooking up with other men, but won’t because he doesn’t want to hurt me. He said he did the right thing by telling me. I’m not sure how he’d think I respond, but I was pissed. He promised he didn’t do anything with anyone and didn’t hit anyone up. Even said I should be thankful he was honest with his feelings. He went onto say, he just wants us to do more to spice things and suggested some kind of open relationship where we get a pass to mess with a stranger every now and then. I just don’t know what to do with this info because I think an open relationship is the first step to us breaking up. Suggestions?
In love with a guy that has a man but puts me first when I’m around, but says he is leaving the guy. What to do? Lol
-Buck on It
Before I vent, I need you to know I’m not an insecure person. I love myself and know I’m cute. But the problem I’m having is with my boyfriend of 8 months. After hopping off of social media for about 2 months, he recently got back on and it’s annoying me. I don’t care about him liking guys’ posts on Instagram, but all the commenting. It’s like heart eye emojis, or comments talking about looking good. And he doesn’t even know most of these people. He knows I follow some of these people so I’m not sure why he feels so comfortable commenting like this when I can see. I feel like he’s almost cheating. When I talked about it, he said he was just complimenting guys and doing harmless flirting, but I’m the only one he wants and the flirting means nothing. That still didn’t make me feel that much better. What would you do here? Like am I bugging about nothing?
I have been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years. We spoke about moving in together this upcoming August. We never had a real argument until last June. He went to a guy’s party (he told me he was going to a party but didn’t tell me who it was). I found out the guy who had the party was a guy who went into my boyfriend’s DM and was flirting with him. I found out who the guy was by snooping. I confronted him and told him I didn’t feel comfortable with him going. Long story short, he still went even though he knew I was uncomfortable. Today 5/19 I found out they are still talking. The guy posted on my bf birthday picture saying he wish he could celebrate with him. Now I feel some type of way that they still talking. I also feed disrespected due to the fact one of our only argument was about this guy and it seems like it doesn’t matter to him.
I’m 20 weeks pregnant with a man I’ve known for only 6 months. He doesn’t want the baby but he is trying to be there for me. He’s been by my side since we found out. The only problem is he hasn’t told his family and seems like he wants to keep everything a secret. He has not met my family either because I haven’t met his. And my family wants it to be that way out of respect until I get to meet his family.
He recently told me he told his older sister about the pregnancy. Which is a start… but every day that I am with him he tells me he still can’t believe I put him in this situation.. and he had no choice. Today I finally told him he does not have to be here for me anymore and that I can do it on my own.. knowing his heart is not in it. He’s upset that I made my own decisions and also upset that I can drop everything like that, but how can I stay with someone whose heart and mind is somewhere else.. I rather have him live his life and never look back because it was my decision and my fault for making my own choices. I don’t want it to be forced love either.. He also can’t let go of his ex-girlfriend. I found a photo of her in his wallet. I don’t want him being unhappy with me and playing house with me because he feels bad or feels like he has to be here. I rather set him free and let him live his life with someone he truly wants to be with. I don’t know if I’m making the wrong choice but I also told him I will always be here.. I’m not going anywhere but maybe it’s best for the both of us to go our separate ways.
Knowing it’s 1 sided, I know he cares for me and he does tell me it’s up to me and that I’m pushing him away, but I’m truly not because I know deep down inside this isn’t what he wants. He’s a man with pride and feels like he should be here for me. But I don’t want any fake love, I rather be alone and do things alone then make him feel like I have a hold on him. He’s in pain and is confused and I am thinking about his feelings. And maybe he is just scared to actually make that step to leave or move on because he feels scared to leave us behind. But knows he wants to. He told me he’s thought about it. I decided to save both of us and tell him its ok we can both go on with our lives and I will not bother him anymore. For him to focus on himself only, and this could be a new start for the both of us. I am dying inside but I can’t hurt and force someone to be part of something they never wanted to be part of.
Am I being smart or selfish? I have no idea. I just feel like a horrible person who ruined his life. I am also thinking about myself, I want to adjust being alone and prepare myself for the future and for my baby. Because at the end of the day you only got yourself. So please help me. I’m sorry that was a long read… thank you for your time.
Finally! I can finally tell y’all what I’ve been working on (and yes, I said y’all). Without further delay, I introduce the scripted drama, Majoring in Me the Podcast. During this particular season in life, I felt led to create something, and this newest endeavor is my labor of love. Look, I realize it’s not the advice podcast a number of you have been asking me for, but please give this one a chance, and know that I’m still hammering out the details on the other project.
So back to Majoring in Me the Podcast. It’s NOT an audiobook. While the podcast is loosely based on the book series Majoring in Me, they are definitely not the same thing. I wrote a script for each episode, which includes some original characters, different plot twists, and fresh surprises that make the podcast stand out from the book series. The nuances of Majoring in Me the Podcast were fun to create, and even more enjoyable to hear once everything came into place.
Rather than talk more about it, listen to the trailer below. If you like what you hear, check out the first two episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or your preferred platform and subscribe to be notified when new episodes are released. Oh, and spread the word.
And as always nothing but love,
I have been seeing this guy for 2 years. We met on a dating app and at the beginning we were both looking for casual dating. He is 40 yrs old has never been married, has no kids, and travels for work. He said he wasn’t looking for anything serious because he travels for work he can’t give me that commitment of a real relationship. I am 35 yrs old and I have an 8 yr old daughter. Casual dating was perfect at first because of my schedule, I had my daughter in almost daily activities and figured we can occasionally hang out. Fast forward to now, my feelings are really strong for him. Like this is the man I want to marry and I want more than just hanging out. Part of me wants to continue what we have because our times together are amazing and I am hopeful that with time he will want more. My past relationships I have always rushed things and this is why I am just going with the flow of things, let life take its course. But at the same time I can’t help to think that this may never be more than what it is. I do like what we have but now I want more. Should I continue what we have until I’m fed up or just call it quits?