I moved in with my boyfriend two months ago and it’s been a shit show. I love this man, I really do, but living with him is just uncomfortable. I wake up in the morning to toothpaste on the mirror from him brushing his teeth. He does this whole thing where he likes to soak dishes instead of scrubbing the damn pan. Sometimes when he shits in the master bathroom, he leaves the door open, so the smell gets into the bedroom.
And before you say it, I’m aware I can just talk to him about this stuff, but I don’t want to be the nagging boyfriend. I feel like I’m telling him not to do something daily. I thought about moving out, but if I do that, I think he will want to break up. What should I do to save my sanity and my relationship?
-Living in Nene’s Ghetto
Dear Living in Nene’s Ghetto,
Thank you for writing to me. Before I even attempt to give you my advice, let’s address your pen name. The whole “Living in Nene’s Ghetto” literally made me laugh out loud because I know the reference. But anyway, your dilemma.
I can’t say I blame you for being upset about your boyfriend’s antics. The bathroom door thing especially would drive me crazy. But what I’ve come to know and understand from personal experience is that whenever you choose to live with someone there is a learning curve. You have to become accustomed to another person’s way of cleaning, their daily routines, and the weird habits they usually do in private. They also have to become accustomed to you. And that stuff takes time.
So yes, it’s been two months, and you’ve already had conversations with your boyfriend about certain things that bug you. I recommend giving the situation a little more time and a little more conversation before you pull the plug on living together. Also, the next time you get fired up about something new that’s getting on your nerve, check yourself and ask if it’s worth bringing up. For example, if you are a person that likes your toilet paper to roll from the top and he prefers to have it roll from underneath, ask yourself if it is an issue worth addressing? You don’t ever want to sweat the small stuff. (But to be clear, this man should definitely shut the bathroom door lol.)
Lastly, unless you moved your boyfriend into your home or he’s not contributing to the household, you’ve got to think of him as less of a house guest and more of a roommate. And as a roommate, you’ve got to really have a spirit of compromise.
Suggestions going forward
- I’m not sure what your convos are like when you talk to your man about his annoying habits, but as much as you vent about him, encourage him to vent about you too. Him telling you about your annoying habits makes the conversation feel less like your just nagging.
- If things reach a point where you feel you can’t live with your boyfriend, but want to stay with him, perhaps consider getting a place with dual master suites.
- Remember, if you see yourself having a husband or long-time partner one day, you better get used to living with people who aren’t you.
As always nothing but love,
By the way, make sure you’re all caught up on Season One of my scripted show Majoring in Me the Podcast. Season Two is in the works, and some MAJOR drama is coming!