I’m in a terrible position and it’s one of my best friend’s fault. About two months ago my coworker invited me out to brunch. Since he was going to be the only person that I knew, he said I could invite a plus one, so I hit up my friend. I guess that was my mistake.
At brunch my coworker and friend were vibing, and after some mimosas and strong drinks, they started flirting heavy. I tried to block because I know how my friend is, and I didn’t want him pumping and dumping my coworker. Who wants that drama at work? My friend swore it wasn’t like that, and that he liked my coworker so I got out the way. Here I am two months later, and my coworker is pissed at me because he feels my friend ain’t sh*t. I mean my friend slept with my coworker more than once, but my friend kept misleading this guy into believing they were about to be coupled up. Which was not the case. I mean my friend pretty much ghosted him.
Long story short, I’m mad at my friend, my coworker is mad at me, and I shouldn’t even be in the middle of this. What should I do here to fix things?
Mr. Damn Pissed
Dear Mr. Damn Pissed,
Thanks for writing to me. The situation you present here is exactly why I’m not the biggest fan of people in my life intermingling romantically. I don’t envy the position you’re in. To have folks looking at you crazy for decisions they made as grown adults sucks. Heck, it’s not like you forced them to hook up. And that actually brings me to my first point.
One of the expressions I live by in life is, “you’ve got to let grown folks be grown.” Essentially, I use the phrase as a reminder that I don’t have the power to make decisions for adults, nor do I have to claim responsibility for decisions adults make. While I can understand why your coworker may want to blame you for introducing him to your friend, you didn’t push them to sleep with one another. They made that decision on their own and now must live with the consequences of those decisions.
With that said, in terms of your coworker, he’s going to have to get over this. You don’t owe him an apology. But if you want to help patch things up, have a conversation with him. Explain that while you’re sorry he feels misled by your friend, you aren’t your friend. Confronting your coworker about him misplacing his anger may be what sparks him to get over this. Well, at least not misdirect his feelings at you.
As far as your feelings toward your friend, they are validated to a degree. Before any entangling went down, you asked him to respect your bond with your coworker and not go there with him. Your friend promised you things between him and the coworker were different, but your coworker still wound up hurt. I don’t know if your friend was “pumping and dumping”, or things just didn’t work out, but either way, you feel how you feel. But again, everyone in this situation is grown. If your friendship is one worth saving, talk to your buddy. Share your thoughts and give him an opportunity to apologize for the fallout from his actions.
Suggestions going forward
- Going forward, think a little harder about who you allow to be your plus one. Folks may be grown, but no need to provide the matches that set the fire if you catch my drift.
As always nothing but love,
Oh, and make sure you check out my new scripted show, Majoring in Me the Podcast.