This man I’m seeing is amazing. He looks good, smells good, is smart, funny, and fine. I mean fine. Since he has all this going on and I’m so damn attracted to him, I thought when we had sex it would be some of the best I ever had. Unfortunately, when we had sex a couple of nights ago I was turned off by his mouth. It was filthy, and not in the good way.
I’m not sure who he’s had sex with in the past, but I don’t like being called out my name. He literally called me foul names during sex. He called me things like “my filthy slut” and “daddy’s b$tch boy.” I promise I wanted to punch him when he said it, but I just let it slide because I do like him. I’m supposed to go on a date with him in a few days when he gets back from visiting his family, and if we have sex again, I can’t have him talking to me like that. One of my best friends told me just to suck it up and let him say what he’s going to say so I don’t make sex boring for this guy. My friend things if I don’t put up with the names, some other man will. But I don’t want to feel disrespected. What would you do?
-Say My Name
Dear Say My Name,
Thanks for writing to me. I have to say, your alias is probably going to be the reason I listen to some Destiny’s Child later. Heck, maybe I’ll even go watch the “Say My Name” video and do a little reminiscing on my younger days. But anyway, this letter is about you and the name-calling situation you have going on in the bedroom.
Look, I can relate to you not wanting to be called such degrading names during sex. Personally speaking, that doesn’t turn me on either. Heck, I probably would have stopped mid-act had I been called the things you were. However, I can’t be ignorant of the fact that there are plenty of people like the guy you’re seeing who feel this type of name-calling is sexually provocative and exciting. For this group of folks, it takes sex to a whole new level, and that’s not to be ignored.
So what do you do? Do you stand up for yourself and what you like in the bedroom? Or do you just swallow the insults to make this man happy? As much as I believe in compromise when dating, I suggest you choose you.
It sounds like you and this guy have only been seeing each other for a little bit, and if you have hopes of being in a long-term relationship with him, his type of romance is going to grow real tired real soon. Tell him that you don’t like those types of nicknames during sex, and see if he’s willing to cut it out. He’s either going to respect you enough to keep the names to “babe”, “baby”, or your government. Or, he’s going to be insistent that he can’t get off without his type of dirty talk. If it’s the latter, you may be better off to find someone else anyway.
Suggestions going forward
- Have a face-to-face conversation with this guy and explain that you can do without being called “b*tches and hoes”. Again, if he pushes the issue as if he has to do it during sex, then seriously consider showing him the door. He’s not the only single man in the world.
As always nothing but love,
Oh, and make sure you check out my new scripted show, Majoring in Me the Podcast.