I’m trying to see if I should make it work with this guy or not. Keeping it one hundred, the only thing we really have is great sex and great food. He’s made me cry a few times while in bed because it was that good, and that has NEVER happened in my whole life. Oh and because he is a chef but not working like he used to, he sometimes cooks for me when I go over to his crib, and it’s good. I sometimes want to cry because of the food too. As a 31 year old, I know I can’t build a relationship off of good sex and food, but I’ve been in a relationship with a man that was okay in bed and didn’t even boil me water, but we had a lot in common to talk about. That relationship didn’t make it. So why not try to build a relationship with the chef? I think I know what you’ll say, but thought I’d ask anyway.
-My Chef Be Cooking
Dear My Chef Be Cooking,
Thanks for writing to me. Let me say this one thing at the top of my response. As a genuine foodie, I can appreciate a good meal. I love to cook, and of course I love to eat. And the fact you found a man that is willing to feed you, that’s a plus in my book. However, even when combined with mind-blowing sex, great food doesn’t tend to make the framework for a long-term relationship.
I get that for most people, amazing sex, the make-you-cry kind of sex, is very important in a relationship. It’s on the top of the wish list for many single folks searching for a partner. While I’m not saying it shouldn’t be a priority for those looking for love, I am saying sex can’t be the bulk of a functional relationship.
Based on your letter, I’m assuming you and the chef don’t share that many common interests and that’s why you don’t have that much to talk about. If you’re not talking a lot, I’m not sure how you’re able to build a mutual rhythm and trust to be fully open with him, and share your most vulnerable self. And if you can’t be your most vulnerable self, it’s unlikely that you’ll be able to develop real intimacy (because great sex and intimacy are NOT the same thing). What’s a relationship without intimacy? So yes, he’s amazing in the bedroom and kitchen, but the guy you described is a Gold Member Sex Buddy (gold member because of the cooking).
Suggestions going forward
- If you think the sex and meals are so good that you would like to see if you two can have more, then by all means, explore that option. Go on a few dates with him, without the intention of having sex, and see if you two actually do have things in common. Maybe you will get to know another side of him.
- If you do try to go on a few dates, please take Covid-19 seriously. This is a REAL disease out here.
As always nothing but love,
Oh, and make sure you check out my new scripted show, Majoring in Me the Podcast.