Dating

He’s Younger. Just Having Fun or Dating to Build a Relationship?

dating he's younger

T,

I’m having a slight issue with my friends about the guy I’m dating. Don’t judge me but I started talking to this guy about three months ago, so yes during the pandemic, but I’ve been careful. Anyway, this guy is amazing so far. His communication is great, he makes me laugh, cooks some good food, and the sex is on point. There’s just one thing. He’s younger than me, and sometimes it shows. I’m 36 and he’s 22, and our taste in music is different, we don’t necessarily watch all the same things, and I’ve lived more life and experienced more things. Also, I’m pretty sure if the clubs were open here he’d be in them, and I’ve outgrown that time of my life.

My friends think I’m just playing with this guy and having fun, and can’t believe I’m serious about him. But I really do like him and am interested in seeing where it goes with him, despite his somewhat immaturity at times. Sick of my friends’ judgment. Guess what I’m asking is do you think my friends are right? Is whatever we’re doing just a result of these pandemic circumstances?

-Have a Tenderoni

Dear Have a Tenderoni,

Thanks for writing to me. I’ll start by saying this, dating during these times is definitely interesting. I mean trying to get to know people PCV (pre-corona virus) was complex enough. But when you add social distancing mandates, mask orders, and the fear that everyone you come in contact with may carry Covid-19, dating in this new world can feel like playing a vintage game of Minesweeper. While I advocate social distancing protocols laid out by experts (not Trump), I’m impressed you found someone you seem to like.

Now in terms of your situationship with this younger guy, I can’t say whether your friends are right or not and you’re just having fun. Only you know the true answer to that. However, I will point out some facts. You used the term “dating.” You described this man as “amazing” and listed reasons why you like him. And you wrote this letter because it obviously bothered you to a degree that your friends view this man as some kind of playmate. Based on your own actions and words, I’d say you’re having more than just fun with this guy.

Look, as far as the age gap goes, as long as you both are consenting adults, that’s your business. I just recommend you keep two things in mind. First, because you are older and have experienced more life, you may have a natural inclination to think you know best and dismiss his current interests as young or immature. Try not to do that, because I’m sure he’d prefer to have a partner, not a parent. And second, whether you are fourteen years apart or fourteen minutes, you two are going to have differences in taste because you are different people. So don’t just chalk everything up to an age difference.

Suggestions going forward

  1. If you don’t like feeling judged by your friends, tell them that your romantic life is your business, and you’re grown. Once they see you’re serious about this guy, real friends should respect your decision.
  2. And because Covid-19 is real, don’t take unnecessary risks just to have “fun” in the future.
  3. I didn’t touch on whether or not your situationship is a result of the pandemic and convenience, because I can’t say. But I can suggest you just focus on the now and enjoy the present for what it is.

As always nothing but love,

Tavion Scott

(IG: accordingtot)

P.S. Make sure you check out my new scripted show, Majoring in Me the Podcast.

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