Dating

I Thought Things Were Going Great and then He Ghosted Me

ghosted

Hi T,

So I’ve been on Bumble for a while and nothing good has come from it. However, I recently met this guy and we really hit it off. We were texting every day and snap chatting every once in a while, even though he’s not a big phone guy which I believe to be true. We went on 3 dates in one week and it seemed like he was really interested in me. It seemed like we were looking for the same things and both enjoyed spending time together. I really liked him and it didn’t seem like there were any red flags or that he wasn’t into me. Recently, he stopped responding to me and I have no idea what went wrong. Most times when I go on dates with guys, I don’t feel we’re a good match. However, the few times I go on a date with someone that I’m very interested in, they’re not interested in me and proceed to ghost me.

I’m not sure if I should reach out to him and ask what happened so I can get closure or if I just keep throwing up my hands and accepting getting ghosted. I’m growing really tired of having a tough dating experience and just want some honest answers.

Thank you for your help!

-Mysteriously Ghosted

Dear Mysteriously Ghosted,

Thanks for writing to me. It never feels good to be ghosted. You think everything is going along pretty well in a situationship, and then all of a sudden, someone you’re falling for just up and leaves you hanging. Without any notice or explanation, the person stops calling, texting, and won’t even send you a smoke signal. And while you may make attempts to find answers, they never come, leaving you frustrated. I understand how you feel because I’ve admittedly been ghosted.

As unfair as it is to be ghosted, unfortunately, you may never get an explanation of why. I know you want this guy to tell you why he just stopped replying, and perhaps inform you if you did something to turn him off, but those answers may never come. Heck, even if you did something that made this guy stop vibing with you, you didn’t deserve for him to start avoiding you (unless you did or said something that made him feel threatened). You deserved at the very least a text message or DM ending things if you two have been dating and were in a real situationship.

Now look, the whole concept of closure is nice to have but won’t always come with the help of other people. There will be occasions, like the one you’re facing now, where you have to attain closure on your own. You have to make peace with the fact that you and this guy don’t want the same things with one another at this point and time.

Suggestions going forward

  1. I know you mentioned being tired of having a tough dating experience. I’d encourage you to take some time and think about how you approach romance. Think about where and how you’ve been meeting men, if you’re disclosing too much about yourself too soon, if you’re going for the same type of guys that aren’t a good fit, and how you can change your overall dating approach.

As always nothing but love,

Tavion Scott

(IG: accordingtot)

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