What do you do when you finally land your crush and it’s not what you thought it would be? Getting straight to the point, before this whole corona thing popped off, I had a crush on this guy who I’m now dating. For about three months, I would see him at the gym when I went and would find myself so damn thirsty. He has body. So towards the end of January, I finally listened to my friends and spoke with him. And from then on, I got to know more about him and found he was cool. We’ve been dating, have some amazing sex, but there’s an issue with our conversations. I feel like our conversations aren’t great.
We talk about working out, sports, and Marvel movies a lot. Initially that was cool, but when I want to talk politics, or Bravo shows, or cultural issues, or other types of movies, our conversations are a little blah. And maybe because all this quarantining has us spending more and more time together, but I’m a little bothered by our limited talks. Not sure if I’m making a big deal out of nothing or if I was a bit shallow in trying to date him. Not sure if there is a question in there, but I’m sure you can find it.
Blinded by the Muscles
Dear Blinded by the Muscles,
Thanks for writing to me. I found myself chuckling a bit, because I think anyone who has spent a little time in a gym has developed a gym crush at some point. Heck, I know I can cop to it. But unlike many people, you had the guts to speak up and say something. So kudos to you. Unfortunately for you, you’re finding out there’s some truth to the saying, “all that glitters is not gold.” (To be clear, I’m not saying people can’t have muscles, be intellectual, and be great conversationalists, because I definitely know they can be.)
Now as far as your dilemma, it’s not like you and your gym crush don’t have anything in common. I assume you have thoughts and share them when it comes to fitness, sports, and Marvel movies. And while I know you said your conversations on other topics has been “blah”, I have to wonder how you initiate those discussions. Do you start off with such a strong opinion on a subject that it makes someone who may share a different opinion feel less like sharing it out of fear of starting a debate? For example, are you a ride or die Bernie supporter that is unwilling to calmly discuss politics with someone who may prefer Biden? Some people are less likely to engage in potentially divisive subjects of conversation to avoid “unnecessary” conflict.
Also, when you bring up other topics, do you allow him to take over the conversation and guide it back to workouts, sports, and Marvel? If so, then that’s partially on you for not having a stronger hand in guiding the conversation.
Now please know that sometimes two folks just don’t have enough in common to have in-depth dialogues. And that’s perfectly ok. If you think your lackluster dialogue with this guy is a result of you two not being aligned on a conversational level, that’s fine. However, it’s up to you to decide if the good sex you have with him is enough to sustain a relationship going forward. I know for ME, if I can’t have great dialogues on a variety of topics with a person, a lasting partnership is not possible. Yeah, sexual chemistry and physical attraction are great, but continually dull conversations wouldn’t work for me.
Suggestions going forward.
- You have to figure out what you value most out of a partnership. If this guy is great in bed and is physically in great shape, you may find those qualities are enough to build something. For me, that wouldn’t be enough. But again, this is about what’s enough for you.
- Before you call it quits with your gym crush, if that’s what you’re leaning toward, try broaching the topics you want to discuss differently to see if you get a different response from him. His engagement may change if your initiation changes.
- And you mentioned spending more time with him due to the quarantine situation. It’s possible, that you just need a break from him, because too much time together too fast, is driving you nuts due to cabin fever. Your life isn’t moving like it usually would. So you may need to take a break from him for a few days to recalibrate.
As always nothing but love,