I started dating this guy about 2 and half months ago and he’s great. He’s always concerned about making me feel special, plans great dates, and treats me like a king. There’s just one thing that I’m concerned about that bothers me. I don’t think I’m as physically attracted to him as I should be. Two of my friends told me that I should ride it out with this guy, because physical attraction can develop, and it’s not every day you come across a good guy (btw, they think he’s good looking, he’s just not my usual type). I want to stick it out with him, but not sure I’m doing him or me any favors. What do you think?
Dear Mr. 312,
Thanks for writing to me. While you’ve found a good guy that is into you, I’m not sure you’ve found a partner here. For most people hoping to build a genuine romantic relationship, physical attraction is a must. Without it, you’re either building a platonic friendship or a superficial romance.
Now I’ve said on multiple occasions that friendship is a foundation for a great relationship. That’s true. When two people are friends and in love, they are more likely to have a connection that extends beyond the physical. And that’s important because a person’s appearance will change with age (and even with a few plates), so having a bond that extends past looks is important. With that said, physical attraction is still important.
Personally speaking, I have to be physically attracted to someone when trying to build a relationship. By no means is that the only thing, or even the most important thing; but, I need that spark when connecting with a partner. I don’t know about you, but I want to always crave my partner (and vice versa) when I’m developing a coupledom.
Wrapping this up, let me also say that for many people such as myself, physical attraction to another person isn’t something that grows over time. It’s either there or it’s not. Now sure, I’ve had instances where I may have initially overlooked someone, then after a double-take, I was like “oh.” But you’ve been trying to make something develop with this guy for over two months. It would seem to me that physical attraction may not come, or at least not come in the near future.
Suggestions going forward.
- If you just aren’t attracted to this guy, then I think you should convey that message to him so you don’t lead him on.
- Remember, great guys that you’ll find attractive exist. Don’t rush into a relationship that you know doesn’t feel right.
As always nothing but love,