friendship

I Think I Prematurely End My Friendships. What’s Wrong with Me?

friendships

I’d love to ask a question about friendship. I can expand upon it if you like, but I’ll give you a short synopsis. I’m about as standoffish and isolated as you can imagine, and I’ve got a hundred burning bridges behind me that attest to my commitment to compartmentalize.

I struggle with friendships generally, but my short & long term friendships frequently end. I could count on two hands the number of removed friends that I’ve stayed connected with.

I behave brashly when I think I’m wronged, and I am an escapist. I’m taking better care of myself these days, and I don’t want to carelessly allow my friends to drift away.

Can I improve my interpersonal relationships by any ethos that you might know of?

Thank you kindly,

J.K.

Dear J.K.,

Thanks for writing to me. Friendship isn’t always the easiest to navigate. I know social media will have you convinced otherwise, but there are millions of people like you who find platonic relationships a bit complex. And while there are many like you that are quick to end friendships, and perhaps sometimes prematurely, there are tons of folks like me that don’t end certain friendships quick enough.

I can recall a few friendships that I know should have ended way before they did. However, because I knew those now former friends for such a long time, I stayed loyal to those friendships. Despite them no longer contributing to my growth, and being a source of negative energy in my life, I stayed loyal (some people would blame the Scorpio in me). Eventually, I woke up and cut the cord, but again, it took longer than it probably should have. The point I’m trying to make is that we will all probably have issues with friendships in life, we just have to let experience be our teacher and really think about our past behaviors to do better in the future.

In your case, I’d advise you to think about why you feel you’re quick to bail on your friendships. Do you bail, because you seek perfection in your relationships? If that’s true, I hate to tell you, but no one is perfect. Because no one can think like you and act like you all the time, folks are bound to get on your nerve at some point. But it’s up to you to decipher whether those moments of annoyance pale in comparison to the overall positives of your friendship.

Also, it’s worth contemplating how you meet your friend network. Perhaps the friends you make aren’t meant to last because you meet them under “surface-level” circumstances. For example, if you meet someone via Xbox live, they may not be someone you want to consider a friend. You two may just have a game in common, and trying to build something too deep with them won’t work because you both only share the game. So, ask yourself if you’re putting friendship expectations on individuals just meant to be acquaintances.

Suggestions going forward

  1. Because I said pretty much all I had to say, I just have one suggestion. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Those friends worth keeping around will more than likely not be a challenge for you to keep around. I have a few of those great friends.

As always nothing but love,

Tavion Scott

(IG: accordingtot)

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