I did something I regret, and I want to fix it. I am in a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend of 8 months. However, I kinda hurt him when I hooked up with one of his friends. I did not mean to. It was in the heat of the moment because this friend is mutual. I told him about it because we are the type to be honest with each other. I feel rotten and I don’t deserve him or to be loved. We are on a break now so he can sort himself out. I want to change. I cry every day and I miss him so much. I want to clean up myself and show him that I am sorry. I just do not know what to do, but know it’s his decision this time. How do I go about this?
Thanks for writing to me. I’m sorry to hear about the situation you find yourself in. Wanting to be with someone that you aren’t sure wants to be with you is not a good feeling. It feels even worse when the reason you can’t be with the one you love is based in some part on something you did. I’m not recapping your emotions to rub salt in your wounds, but rather I empathize with your situation. However, you didn’t write to me for empathy, you wrote to me for advice.
In this situation, you’re really going to have to play the waiting game with your boyfriend. If it were your boyfriend who was writing to me for advice on how to proceed with you, I’d tell him to take some time and space to himself to process his feelings. I’d encourage him to figure out whether his love for you is strong enough to overcome the indiscretion, and to determine whether he can truly forgive you for what took place. Because I know what I would tell him, my best advice for you is to again wait.
While I urge you to give your boyfriend some breathing room, if you haven’t told your boyfriend the whole truth about that situation, you should do so. The last thing you’d want to happen is for you two to be on the road to forgiveness, only for him to find out something later that can stop a reconciliation from happening.
Suggestions going forward
- While space and time are the best way to properly heal this situation, it would benefit you to communicate to your boyfriend one last time how deeply apologetic you are for what occurred, how much you love him, and what you’re willing to do to fix the relationship. And if you haven’t told him everything that happened with this friend, tell him. After this convo, allow him to initiate a future conversation.
- If you haven’t stopped talking to the friend and removed him from your social media profiles and phone, do so. Many people in your boyfriend’s shoes would definitely check.
- Regardless of what you did, you’re always deserving of love from someone.
As always nothing but love,