My boyfriend and I have been in a long-distance relationship for almost 3 years now. We have known each other since 2015. Recently I found out that he has been cheating on me for almost 8 months, during which time we were on a break for about 20 days or so. He’s apologized and told me that it was the distance and that there is no excuse that could cover him cheating. He says he was going to tell me this January when I would go over to meet him. He says he loves me and that he is willing to show me that he can change and that he will do whatever he can to change my opinion about him. I’m conflicted about whe….
Thanks for writing to me. It appears the rest of your letter didn’t quite come through, but I’m going to offer you some advice based on what you sent. I’m almost certain you want to know whether you should trust your boyfriend and stay in the relationship.
Unfortunately, I cannot tell you whether to stay or leave your relationship. That’s a decision you have to make, because only you know what your breaking point in a relationship is, and if the relationship is worth saving. Like I always say, infidelity is not a breaking point for everyone. For some, the breaking point may come with bad finances, for others with constant arguing, for others with trifling families, and for others a number of different reasons. So if an instance of cheating is not enough for you to walk away, that’s ok.
However, it sounds like your boyfriend took a break situationship and rolled it over into your relationship for eight whole months. That’s more than an isolated instance of cheating. If you were to work things out with him, you two will have quite the uphill battle. But again, only you know if it’s worth it.
In an attempt to try and offer you a well-rounded perspective, I’ll admit that long-distance relationships are a lot of work. For some people, these relationships require more work than they realized, and these people don’t know they aren’t built for this type of relationship until they’re in one. So if you two were to reconnect, you’d want to be sure you both were able to deal with the distance, or one of you is willing to relocate.
Suggestions going forward
- Don’t let anyone, including your boyfriend, rush you into making a decision to stay or go. You’re entitled to take the space and time to think about what you want.
- If you decide to work things out, figure out what will be different the second time around, so cheating doesn’t happen.
- Don’t recommit to your boyfriend if you can’t progressively decide to trust him again because paranoia and insecurity can kill a relationship.
As always nothing but love,