Dating, relationships

Real Love Doesn’t Physically Hurt… So Get Out and Get Help

I am in a Long Distance Relationship with my girlfriend, and I love her as much as she loves me. But, she sent me videos of her cutting herself, and that just hit me hard. I knew it’s cause of me, she’s hurt because of me, but sometimes both of us ended up hurting each other without realizing. And now she’s asking for a breakup and she said, “you deserve someone better because I’ve hurt you way too much.” That’s just sad to know, I love her so much, and I don’t ever want to break up with her. Sometimes she hurts me too, and I also did cut myself. It’s like on and off relationship, we broke up a lot of times, and we haven’t even lasted for more than a week although we’ve been dating online for more than a year.

What should I do?

-Jason

Dear Jason,

I’m just going to get right to the point because this sounds like a pretty serious situation. While I’m not a licensed therapist or psychologist, it sounds like you and your girlfriend are in an unhealthy situation. Healthy relationships don’t typically consist of cycles of self-inflicted harm. So the fact your girlfriend is hurting herself because of things you do, and vice versa, is extremely problematic. Real love can hurt sometimes, BUT NOT in a physical way and not like this.

Again, I’m not a therapist, but I feel confident in telling you that you both would probably be better off not being in a relationship and seeking professional help. You two deserve to be in a mental headspace that empowers you to love yourselves as individuals, and reminds you that you’re worth being loved in the right way. Additionally, love shouldn’t feel like a hostage situation. If you want to leave or if she wants to leave, you both should feel free to do so without fear the other one will hurt themselves.

 

Suggestions going forward.

  1. I’ve pretty much said all the advice I can give in this situation, but please take it seriously.

 

As always nothing but love,

Tavion Scott

(IG: accordingtot)

 

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