I have been dating my long-distance boyfriend for almost 5 years now. We live in different countries, but every time we can, we travel to one another. This past summer, we even got married, and our whole families were happy about it. Everything seemed perfect! Today, he opened up to me that , 2 years into our relationship, he cheated.
He kept it from me due to the fear of losing me. I am so hurt by what he did, because I thought we were strong enough to surpass those physical temptations. He says that he couldn’t live with himself anymore knowing that he’s hiding this from me, as every day he’s realizing more that I’m his soulmate. Before this happened, we were planning on him moving to the states so we could spend our lives together. I see that he’s remorseful because he could’ve still kept it a secret, and I would’ve never found out. However, I hate to admit it, but my ego is bruised, and my heart is shattered. I would like to think that we can make this work, but I’m afraid that I’m not strong enough to. I’ve always said that I would immediately break up with someone that cheated on me , but it is so difficult because I’m in love with him. Am I weak to try this again? Or should I even? That betrayal has scarred us forever.
Thanks for writing to me. Before I jump into this advice, I want to say I’m sorry to hear about the situation you find yourself in. I know you probably feel a little gutted with the news your husband shared because it was so unexpected. Allow me to encourage you not to beat yourself up, or consider yourself weak should you decide to work past this with your husband. Now to my advice.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, infidelity doesn’t have to spell the end of a relationship. I know there are tons of people that will say they would bounce if their partner cheated on them, but most people say that without having been in the situation. When a person cheats on you, that may erase the trust, but it doesn’t erase the love. When love is involved, throwing away a person isn’t that easy. And depending on the facts surrounding the cheating, it may not be a reason for some folk to leave. Which leads me to another thing I always say.
Everyone has their own breaking point when it comes to relationships. What may be one person’s reason to leave may not be another’s. For some it may be infidelity, for others it may be poor communication, and for others it may be financially related. Regardless of the reason, each of us has our own breaking point. So after some soul searching, conversations with your husband, prayer (if you pray), and time, you find that his infidelity isn’t cause to end things, that’s ok. It doesn’t make you weak. It makes it your business, and the best choice for you.
Unfortunately, in life, love between people is always imperfect. There will always be moments in time when love will be laced with pain or sadness. And while those moments occur, real love will be laced with more instances of happiness, security, and peace. I say all that to make this point: in relationships, no love is perfect, but some love is worth fighting for.
If it sounds like I’m telling you to stay in the marriage, please know I’m not. That’s not a choice I can make for you. I just want you to keep your options open and give yourself time to process the situation and what it is you really want.
Suggestions goings forward
- Make sure you get all the facts about your husband’s indiscretion, so you know how to make the best decision for you.
- Take all the time you need to sort out your emotions. You’re deserving of that.
- As much as you vent to your family and best friends about this situation, be careful about “over-sharing.” You don’t want to be pressured into making a decision. Plus, if you stay in your marriage, you don’t want to place your inner circle in the position where they have animosity toward your husband, knowing that he cheated on you.
As always nothing but love,