relationships

My Long-Distance Boyfriend Cheated, and He’s Not Sorry

Hey,

I just got your page now from my friends, and I see that u always helping people. I just want to share my relationship with you.

So I’ve been in a relationship for one year and its long-distance relationship. We love each other, and we always have each other’s back when both of us in bad situations. I love him so much, and I threw many people away because they weren’t him. And I stopped talking to another guy because it wasn’t him. But for 3 months, I found out that my boyfriend cheated on me. I knew that he is cheating from the way he talks to me, but I didn’t have any proof at that time.  And a few days ago, I found out I was right because I know that he is sleeping with other girls. And after all, he said to me he didn’t feel bad about what he did to me. He just feels sad to his girls for now. Idk what I should do. Should I forgive him? And why did he do that to me?

Thanks, I will be happy if u reply to me 🙂

Hello S.A.,

Thanks for writing to me. I’m glad your friends turned you onto my page. So on my behalf, please tell them thank you. Now as far as your dilemma goes, from what I can understand, it seems pretty clear what I would do in your situation. But, I know what my breaking point is, and that may not be your breaking point, so let’s continue.

Here’s the thing, I always say “you can never tell somebody when he or she has had enough.” People have their own individual boundaries of what they will and won’t tolerate when it comes to romance, and infidelity may not be one of those nonnegotiable boundaries for you. And that’s okay. Beyoncé’s Lemonade struck a chord with millions of people for a reason.

However, there is one important thing at play in your situation that makes your current issues bigger than just infidelity. From your letter, it appears your boyfriend cheated and doesn’t feel remorse for his actions, and isn’t willing to own his role in hurting your feelings. And that in itself is a pretty big issue. You’re clearly trying to be open to fixing your relationship, while your partner doesn’t seem to think your relationship is in need of repair. That’s problematic, and doesn’t sound like that’s the healthiest of dynamics. Now if there are other factors at play here that I missed or you haven’t shared, then perhaps with some counseling there is an opportunity to save the relationship if the foundation is still intact.  With that said, remember you can’t keep a man that doesn’t want to stay.

 

Suggestions going forward.

  1. Have a heart-to-heart conversation with your boyfriend and ask him if he still wants the relationship? If he says yes, tell him you need to feel like he’s trying to fight for you, and needs to validate your feelings. If he says no, then you,unfortunately have to pack up your emotions and leave the situation. You would need to start your self-healing journey.
  2. As hard and painful as it may be, ask yourself if you’re willing to stay in the relationship because you’re comfortable and don’t want to start over, or because you’re in love and believe your boyfriend brings out the best in you?
  3. When you talk to your boyfriend, ask him why he cheated. Oh, and you should feel free to demand an answer better than “I don’t know it just happened.”

 

As always nothing but love,

Tavion Scott

(IG: accordingtot)

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