My girlfriend of 8 months just admitted she had kissed an ex-Boyfriend of hers. I’m not really sure what to do as she is beating herself up over it and saying she wants me to have someone better when I know that I want to be with her. But is it worth fighting for if I’m not sure if this will happen again?
Thanks for writing to me. I’m just going to dive right into your problem here. As complicated as your situation may seem, and as much as I want to give you a definitive stay or leave answer, I can’t. I’ve said it time and time again, I can never tell someone when he’s had enough and when to walk away. That’s a decision each person has to make on his own. It’s a decision you’ll have to ultimately make by yourself.
Now I will say this. I don’t happen to be one of those people that believe a moment of infidelity should necessarily be someone’s breaking point. People are human and make mistakes. And despite what the media may tell you, good guys, or good women as the case may be, are not immune to making the mistake of cheating.
Also, I completely understand if you feel your trust is broken with your girlfriend. Most people would feel the foundation of their coupledom was rocked if they found out a partner broke the trust of the relationship in this way. So no one expects you to pretend nothing happened, nor pretend like you aren’t hurt.
Suggestions going forward.
- You need to have a real conversation with your girlfriend and get to the bottom of why she did what she did. And her saying “it just happened” or “I don’t know why it happened” are not good enough answers.
- Take some time to yourself to think. Think about whether your girlfriend is a good person that made a mistake. Think about what it looks like to reach a place of forgiveness with your girlfriend if you want to continue on in the relationship. Think about if her mistake plus her flaws are enough for you to walk away.
- Beware of taking too much advice from family or friends. While they usually want what’s best for you, they aren’t always the most objective. They’ll more than likely react to you being hurt, and not give you unbiased advice.
- Should you decide to stay with your girlfriend after taking some time to think, don’t let anyone convince you that you’re stupid for staying. There’s nothing wrong with fighting for something worth fighting for.
- If you know in your heart of hearts you can’t forgive the infidelity, then don’t try to stay in the relationship. It’s a terrible thing for someone to stay in a relationship and constantly belittle his partner over past mistakes.
- If you decide to leave, that’s perfectly fine too. If this is your “enough moment”, it’s your enough moment.
As always nothing but love,