relationships

I’ve Lost Weight and My Boyfriend Gained Insecurity

Hi T,

I’ve been reading through your site and thought you had some good advice so I’m going to try this out. I’m having a problem with my boyfriend that’s really getting on my nerve lately. To give you a little background, over the past six months I’ve lost about 48 lbs and look the best I have in a minute. My boyfriend was initially very support of the weight loss, but over the last few weeks he’s gotten super clingy and possessive. I just don’t know where any of this is coming from. Appreciate the insight.

-New Me, But Not Who Dis

P.S., we’ve been together for over a year.

Dear New Me, But Not Who Dis,

Thanks for writing to me and thanks for the compliments on my advice. Like I’ve said before, I’m not Iyanla or Dr. Phil, but I’d like to think I’ve been blessed with a little old school and new school wisdom to help folks like you out. So again, I appreciate your kind words. By the way, huge congrats to you on the weight loss.

Now as far as your dilemma, I think one of two things is happening here. My first theory stems from an insecurity issue. It’s possible that your boyfriend sees you transforming and other guys noticing your transformation, and currently feels threatened by your newfound attention. He may think you might buy into the new attention you’re getting from other people, and one day slip up with some other guy. And I don’t know if your boyfriend has been cheated on before, but if he has, the past may also feed into his insecurity.

As awkward as this may sound, there are countless people who generally want an “attractive” partner, but don’t want a partner too “attractive”. These individuals believe a partner too attractive will garner too much attention and cheat.  And yet, these same people want a person that’s cute enough to show off to family and friends. As I said, it may sound awkward, but it’s the story of several individuals’ life.

My second theory also technically stems from an insecurity issue, but not from a fear you will cheat. However, it comes from a fear you will outgrow your boyfriend. It’s possible your boyfriend is afraid that as you continue to lose weight, you will find him less desirable. That as you change, you’ll change what you like, and how you feel about him.

Suggestions going forward.

  1. Plan a night out with your boyfriend to show him he’s still special to you. Reaffirm your love and commitment to him, and tell him there is no need for him to feel insecure or threatened.

 

  1. If after a night out you still find your boyfriend is behaving insecure, then you may want to try couples therapy. However, if that’s not something that’s an option or it doesn’t work, then you need to figure out if you can proceed in the relationship. Only you know when you’ve had enough.

As always nothing but love,

Tavion Scott

(IG: accordingtot)

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