relationships

I Want to Stay in the Country, But My Boyfriend’s not Ready for Marriage

It sucks when in a relationship everything is perfect but one wants just companionship and the other wants commitment. I’ve been dating my bf for a little over a year now. This is my happiest relationship so far. He treats me really well and I balance out his energy perfectly too. But, I’m foreign on a visa, and my visa is expiring in a year.

When I had the talk with him on whether or not he would consider marriage as a way to keep me here, he backed out. He has his reasons, but I think in reality just like what you said in your writing, he’s probably only looking for companionship and will never commit not matter how much he loves or cares about the person. Because for him, the fear of losing freedom outweighs all the benefits he get from a relationship.

It’s so funny how the universe works. This just happened yesterday, and today I saw your post. We are all on our own journeys, and sometimes even the almost perfect person might still not meant to be.

-Amy G.

Dear Amy G.,

Thanks for sharing your comment on my post about Wanting Companionship vs. Wanting a Relationship. As I stated in my reply, my response will be wordier than perhaps a typical reply I would write to a comment. So, I decided to respond via a whole new post. Let’s go ahead and jump right in.

If you and your boyfriend acknowledge you are in a relationship, then I don’t believe he has an issue with not knowing if he wants companionship or a relationship. I believe the real issue here is that he’s just not ready to be married, and that’s something different.

For many people, someone could be ready for a relationship and just not be ready to take the leap into marriage. Marriage ideally requires another level of commitment and dedication, as two people become legally and spiritually bound. Ask the people you know that are married. I’m pretty confident a majority of the married people you speak with will tell you there is a noticeable difference between being boyfriend and girlfriend, and husband and wife.

Also, no person wants to feel pressured into marriage. Like I said, it’s a huge step to take, and most people want take that step willingly. And trust me, you wouldn’t want him to propose to you out of a legal obligation. You’ll want him to propose when he knows he’s ready to spend forever with you.

Suggestions going forward.

  1. Don’t read too much into your boyfriend not being ready to marry you right now. Even though you two have been together for a year, I’m sure there is a lot you two need to discover about one another before he pops the question.

 

  1. Your visa isn’t expiring for a year, so take the time to get to know him some more. Who knows, in a year from now, he may be ready for marriage then.

 

  1. Now I read this letter as if you two are together, but he’s just not ready for marriage. If you two are no longer together because he was not a fan of your hypothetical proposal, but think you had a relationship that could have evolve into marriage at some point in your lives, then you owe it to yourself to have a conversation with him about reconciliation. Or at least try to get closure at the very least.

 

As always nothing but love,

Tavion Scott

(IG: accordingtot)

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