My boyfriend just got back from another city. Now I’ve found out he cheated on me while we are in 5 months long distance relationship. Seen pictures of his and a woman’s clothes in a hotel. But I already had that feeling inside me that he is hiding something from me. What should I do? Haven’t talked to him yet. I am confused on what should I feel. Should I forgive him? Damn this feeling.
Thanks for writing to me. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, long distance relationships are not for everybody. Everybody is not equipped to handle the incredible amount of time, patience, strength, and on occasion finances it requires to make a long distance relationship work. And it’s not a bad thing, some people just aren’t built for that type of romance. As a matter of fact, let’s think of those unable to handle a long distance relationship as having an allergy to a specific type of loving commitment (like millions of individuals have an allergy to certain types of food). It’s possible your boyfriend has an allergy to long distance relationships, and didn’t know it until now.
The legendary Oprah Winfrey once said:
Trust your instincts, intuition never lies.
I tend to agree with Mama O on this sentiment. God gave us instincts to protect us from the dangers that lie waiting in the world. So if your instincts are telling you something is off with your boyfriend and relationship, it’s a safe bet to listen to them. (Unless, you have a history of being overly jealous and a tad irrational, but you know how you are as a person.)
Now in reference to you seeing pictures of a woman’s clothes in your boyfriend’s hotel, there could be several logical explanations that have nothing to do with infidelity. He could have had a relative or platonic friend stay over because they went out and she got too drunk to go home. Or perhaps what you saw were his clothes that are actually unisex. Look, I’m not even trying to play you here. Again, if you have good instincts and they say something is going on here, TRUST them.
You need to have a conversation over the phone or in-person with your boyfriend, and ask him if something has been going on? That’s the only way you can start to gain some resolution in terms of your suspicious feelings. Ask him if he’s strayed from the relationship? If he confirms what you already suspect, make sure he also tells you why he did it. And the answer “I don’t know it just happened,” is not a sufficient reason for infidelity.
In terms of what you should do if your boyfriend admits to cheating, I really can’t say. Each person knows his own breaking point when it comes to relationships. That breaking point doesn’t always occur with an instance of infidelity. You’ll have to spend some time alone with your thoughts and prayers to figure out whether the relationship you’re in is worth saving.
Suggestions going forward.
- If you find out your boyfriend cheated and you are contemplating staying in a relationship with him, do your best not to allow your family and friends to make the decision for you. While it’s normal to run to loved ones when we’ve been hurt, things can get even more complicated when we allow them to have a say in our relationship.
- If you stay with your boyfriend, then you better be sure you forgive him. A relationship where one person is constantly throwing the other’s past in his face is doomed to fail.
As always nothing but love,