I have a big problem now. I don’t even know what to do I’m so confused. I just find out I’m 12 weeks pregnant and my boyfriend wants me to abort the baby, but guess what hurts me more I just realized he has a 2 year old daughter. I kept asking him if there was anything I needed to know, but he kept on saying he has told me everything. I’m so mad. I need advice he doesn’t even know I have found out, I need advice please advise me. Help a sister.
Thanks for writing to me. I’m sorry to hear your pregnancy hasn’t been met with the excitement you hoped for. I’m not a mother, nor a parent, but I can only imagine that many women expecting to bring a child in this world hope to have the support of their loved ones and the child’s father. The fact your boyfriend is acting funny about your pregnancy is disappointing.
It sounds to me like your boyfriend may not be excited to have a baby with you for one of two reasons. One, there’s a possibility that your boyfriend didn’t necessarily see longevity in the situation he has with you, and you being pregnant makes you someone that’s a permanent fixture in his life. He may feel pressure now to really commit to you, and he’s just not ready to do that at this point and time. And the fact he didn’t tell you he had a two year old daughter, tells me he didn’t fully invest in a relationship with you.
Now my other theory on why your boyfriend isn’t excited about the news is that he can’t handle the child he already has. I don’t know all of your bae’s business, but if he’s paying child support for one kid, he may not be that excited to pay for another one. This second theory doesn’t have to deal with his level of commitment to you necessarily, but it does raise questions if you two share the same vision in terms of your future together. (If you want kids and he doesn’t want anymore, what does that say about long terms plans with him?)
Suggestions going forward.
- It’s time to think about what you want. If you’re ready for motherhood and want this baby, then you’re going to have to stand firm in your desire and disregard your boyfriend’s off-putting reaction, and move forward. As difficult of a task that this may be, your baby needs you to prepare for motherhood.
- In terms of your overall relationship, you need to sit down with your boyfriend and get answers. And as hurt as you are at the moment, meet up with your boyfriend for the sole purpose of gaining clarity and understanding. I say that because at this stage, it’s more important that you get honesty; and, you may not get that if you meet him with the intention of fixing your relationship. If he knows you just want to be with him, he can manipulate a few lies into keeping you around. (You can be a certified genius and still can have a man fool you into accepting less than you deserve if you aren’t careful.) Not saying you two shouldn’t remain in a relationship, but I am saying you two have some things to work out first, and to do that you need the truth.
- I’ll reiterate this point one more time. Please remember it’s your body and your choice. Don’t allow yourself to feel pressure either way in terms of your pregnancy.
As always nothing but love,