Dating, relationships

Should Your Dating Preferences Be Considered Offensive?

I recently had a brief yet interesting discussion with someone on Instagram that I thought I’d share with you all.  To give a little backstory, the individual in question is a gay person of color that was having a conversation with some of his acquaintances. When he and his friends started talking about dating preferences, he mentioned that he was not usually attracted to white men. At that revelation, he was accused of being racist. Keep in mind, from my understanding he didn’t go on a rant about white men being inferior or the devil.  And he didn’t say anything about practicing open discrimination against white men either. So feeling like it was two against one in the conversation with his acquaintances, he reached out to me to get my input.

Now as I told him, I in no way think his sexual attraction preferences are racist. He likes who likes. For him to force himself to date outside of his race just to prove a point, would betray who he is. It’s like him as a gay man trying to hook up with women just to prove he’s an equal opportunist. Him exclusively dating people of color is not racist any more than him dating only men is sexist. Those negative labels just aren’t applicable here.

With that said, I can understand his friends’ initial cry of being offended. I once felt some type of way about people’s dating preferences. I used to be offended when I would hear of white men unwilling to date anyone that’s not blonde. Or black men who only date white women. Or people of color claiming to only date light skin folks.  And don’t even get me started on the dating profiles that many of you are familiar with on Jack’d, Grindr, and Tinder. All the “no fats, no fems”, “real tops only”, and “DL man looking for same” comments used to make me roll my eyes unbelievably hard.  I would say to myself,  where do folks get off having these dating requirements that weed out entire demographics of people? But then a lightbulb came on.

People are entitled be attracted to whoever they want to be attracted to, and shouldn’t have to fear repercussions because of it.  No one, myself included, should judge someone for what gets a guy’s pecker jumping, even if it’s partly based on race. For those ready to call foul, did you ever think that sometimes people prefer dating within their race because they are more likely to have things in common culturally speaking with those of the same race than they are with people outside of their race?

Also, there aren’t nearly as many people giving a side-eye to the person that claims not to date anyone under six feet. Or to the guy that prefers “twinks.” Or to the woman that only dates men with locs and tattoos.  Their attractions are just chalked up to them being normal and within their rights. Frankly I don’t see a difference between these examples and the real-life example of the guy I spoke with on Instagram.

Let me sum this up. As much as there is to be offended by in the world, don’t allow who a person is sexually attracted to be another reason why you get uptight. In a day and age where Trump is president, there is plenty of other things to get pissed about.  Besides, even if a man somehow was able to overcome the boundaries of his natural physical attractions, it doesn’t mean the guy will be attracted to you. So why care?

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