My best friend told me about your blog, and I love it. That post about relationships vs companionship was good. I’m thinking you may be able to help me. I’ve been seeing this guy for about a month. We never had the relationship talk, and we both have been rocking with each other hard. However, I know I still flirt and talk with other guys. I thought he was doing the same, until he told me two nights ago that he loves me. I was blown, because I didn’t think we had gotten there yet. I didn’t want him to feel bad so I told him verbatim “awe, love ya.” But I don’t think I love him. I mean I could love him eventually, but I’m not there yet. I feel things between has gotten a lot more serious than I wanted it to right now. What do I do here to slow things down with this man without pissing him off and making him want to stop talking to me?
-I’m Not Ready for Love
Dear I’m Not Ready for Love,
Thanks for writing to me and complimenting my website. I always appreciate the kind words of site visitors such as yourself. Like I’ve said time and time again, positive feedback serves as fuel for what I’m doing here. So once more, thank you.
As far as your dilemma goes, it’s a common one to have. In fact, many people that have ever tried dating have found themselves in a predicament similar to the one you’re in. In the midst of a situationship where one partner blurts out “I love you”, and the other partner is left shocked and confused. Now some folks who aren’t ready to hear those three words will reply with a simple “thank you”, which is really like a b$tch slap to the individual brave enough to open his heart. Then there are those who hear The L Word, and out of common courtesy reply with “I love you too.” Essentially, that’s what you did, even if you said “ya” instead of “you”.
Now there is a third option people can choose when they’ve been told “I love you” and don’t feel the same way, but most folks think the notion is ridiculous. Whenever put in this uncomfortable situation, simply telling the truth is a legitimate choice. In fact, it’s the one I recommend for all parties involved.
I’m about to put myself here. I have actually been the guy that has told someone I love him, and the guy I told wasn’t ready to express the same thing. Thankfully, he told me his true feelings, and gave an explanation as to why he didn’t feel comfortable saying he loved me in that moment. I appreciated his honesty, and respected him not just saying words he didn’t mean or simply curving me with “thank you.” His willingness to keep it one hundred, strengthened our budding situationship, and led to a meaningful relationship.
Suggestions going forward.
- You need to go meet up with this man in person and talk. During the conversation, you need to make it clear that you aren’t in love with him yet. Since you seem to like the guy, tell him that. And tell him that love for you isn’t out of the question, you just aren’t there yet. You also owe him an apology if you misled him into believing you were in love too.
- If you’re ever put in a situation like this again, remember telling the truth is best. You’ll feel better, and at the end of the day, so will your Could Be Bae.
As always nothing but love,