Dating

If We’re Not in a Relationship Yet, Should I Buy a Valentine’s Day Gift?

T,

I have a question for you.  Should I be buying a Valentine’s Day gift for a guy I’ve only been dating for 3 weeks?  It’s weird because part of me thinks it’s kind of early for me to spend money on a gift for someone I’m not sure I’m going to be with a month for now. I mean the guy is cool, and we click, but our thing is still pretty early. Then there’s the whole thing that if I get him something, but he doesn’t get me anything, I may feel some type of way.  Although, I don’t want him to be pissed if he buys me something, but I decide not to get him anything.  Maybe I shouldn’t be this worried about it, but we are supposed to meet up Valentine’s Day and I’m running out of time to think on it. You’re help would be much appreciated.

-Black Cupid 93

Dear Black Cupid 93,

Thanks for writing to me.  I’m actually glad you wrote to me about this question, as I suspect there are more than a few people who are in a similar situation.  They too, are contemplating if they should buy a gift, what the gift should be if they do, and the possible consequences of showing up February 14th empty handed.  So let’s get down to helping you and the rest of the folks dealing with this Valentine’s Day dilemma.

To be honest, several years ago I too was dealing with this issue. I had started dating this guy I found on Jack’d around the middle of January. Yes I said Jack’d, and yes I now know the probability of finding a relationship rather than a hook-up on there is slim to none.  Anyway, everything was going pretty smoothly between the guy and me, but then I realized Valentine’s Day was coming up.  I didn’t think we were in a place where I should spend a lot of money on someone I wasn’t even officially exclusive with.  Plus, I didn’t even know him well enough to know what he would appreciate as a gift.  Like you I was stressing a tad about what I should do knowing he and I had a V-Day date planned.

What I wound up doing back then, was to first check myself. I had to tell myself that this scenario was not something worth stressing out over.  Once I did that, I removed the pressure and an idea popped into my head.

You see, he and I were going on a date that night anyway at my request, so I had already planned to pay for the evening.  On the way to pick this guy up for our date, I stopped at Walmart or Target and found a cute stuffed monkey that had some catchy phrase on it.  While gimmicky, the gift expressed that I was at least thinking of him, and it cost me like ten bucks.  The stuffed monkey combined with the fact I paid for dinner at a restaurant that didn’t offer a dollar menu or a “2 for 20” option, made for a good enough gift in my opinion.  Heck, in this man’s opinion too considering he was very appreciative and couldn’t stop smiling.

Having said all this, I’m going to suggest   a similar course of action for you. Stop worrying, and just go to dinner.  On your way to meet him, stop by a store and see what kind of gimmicky yet sweet gifts they have on sale.  Be careful not to spend too much on something that you would be extremely pissed about down the line if things don’t work out between you too. The fact that you purchased anything at all should be a nice gesture considering you two have only been dating for a few weeks and aren’t in a relationship.

Suggestions going forward.

  1. Since you two are fairly early in your “situationship”, you shouldn’t spend a ton of money. Especially, if spending the money will financially inconvenience you in some way.   Remember, a small present says “I was thinking about you and see our potential.”  A more expensive present typically says “I’m quite serious about you” even if you may not be there emotionally yet.  Also, by not spending too much money on a gift, it should sting less if you walk away empty handed.

 

  1. Speaking of which, prepare yourself if this guy doesn’t get you anything for Valentine’s Day. Even if you get him something, you may walk away empty handed.  You shouldn’t be offended.  Shoot, you’ll come out of the situation looking like a real sweetheart.

 

  1. Avoid getting an in-depth Valentine’s Day card. If you aren’t in a place where you have deep and real feelings for this guy, a serious and elaborate card will send the wrong message.  I actually suggest skipping the card, and opting for a gift bag with a name tag on it. Keep it simple.

 

  1. If you find yourself in a situation to “get some” after your thoughtful gesture, make sure you practice safe sex.

As always nothing but love,

Tavion Scott

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