I Think The Guy I’m Seeing Looks at Me as Daddy and NOT Zaddy

Hey According to T.

I love the advice that you give and as I’m reading I think of the advice I would give. For once I have a dilemma of my own. I met a younger guy a few years ago on an out of town trip, he was in high school so I left it alone after I found this out. Recently he contacted me, he’s now 20 with plans on relocating to my city. We talk everyday when time between my work schedule and his school and work schedule allows us to do so. I asked him why he likes me and his response was that he’s attracted to bigger and older guys and that I’m always concerned with his well-being and would do anything for him. How should I take that as I’m not wanting to be a daddy to anyone?

Signed not your daddy

Dear Signed Not Your Daddy,

Thanks for writing to me, and thanks for the compliment on the advice I give. I always try to give candid, yet respectful advice to all those who seek it. So I appreciate readers like you letting me know you enjoy reading the little nuggets of wisdom I drop. Again, thank you.

As far as your specific dilemma goes, it’s a bit interesting to me. You see, typically I’ve always been the type to be attracted to older men. It wasn’t because I felt older men were more concerned about my well-being or would do more things for me in comparison to guys my age; but, I just felt older guys were more mature. That they were more in line with where I was in my life mentally. In addition, I’ve always been attracted to a certain kind of thickness.  I say all this to say, you can’t fault him for being attracted to older guys with a little meat on their bones. Heck, he’s not the only one. (And to be perfectly clear, I’ve never been in search for a daddy figure.)

If you find yourself questioning this guy and his motives for trying to be with you, that’s not a good sign to move forward with him. You know how many bad decisions are made because people refused to listen to their instincts. Trust me, I’m in that number of people who didn’t listen. If your gut is telling you to beware of this guy, you may want to listen to it.

Now I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t bring up this next point. I’m assuming based off the little bit of information you gave me, your first introduction to this guy was based off of a lie he told. This now 20 year old man led you to believe he was of age and not a high school student.  In my book, this would be a major turnoff. Not only did he lie, but he put you in a situation that could have possibly landed you in prison in some states. That doesn’t speak well for his level of maturity or for the level of respect that he has for you. However, if he has since apologized and appears to know why he was wrong for his lie, then I’m all for forgiveness, and understand the value in a second chance. Just be careful.


Suggestions going forward.

  1. Before you commit any further to this situationship, again make sure he’s actually grown since the last time you two talked. As I’ve said in previous posts, unless former flames have changed a little and matured, getting back together isn’t the wisest thing to do.


  1. If your gut tells you that this man likes you because he sees you as Daddy and not Zaddy, and that’s not something you’re up for, it’s perfectly fine to move on. You aren’t obligated to continue trying to romantically talk with this guy. You can begin the cutoff process.


  1. Should you just really be confused on how this guy views you, start paying closer attention to the interaction between you two. Does he at least volunteer to pick up the check even if you’re going to pay? Does he ever plan and pay for dates? When you guys communicate, does he ever ask you about your life and what’s going on with you? Nos to those questions are definitely not a good look.

As always nothing but love,

Tavion Scott

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