The Lifestyle

My Boyfriend Wants To Take A Break… What Am I to Do?

Hey T,

I was wondering if you could give me some advice.  So me and my boyfriend have been together since June of this year and last night he told me that he wants a break and that it is not me and that he knows I want to talk but he’s not ready to right now.  I’m completely devastated and heartbroken I don’t even know what to do.  I AM IN LOVE WITH HIM.  A part of me wants revenge, a part of me wants to disappear forever I’m so hurt I don’t know what to do.  If there is anything you can suggest I’m all ears?

-Rashaud

Dear Rashaud,

Thanks for writing to me. I’m sorry to hear about your recent heartache.  Unfortunately, when we as humans make the choice to love someone romantically, we run the risk that at some point the object of our affection will break our heart.  It’s as if you loan your heart to a boy, and you trust him to take care of it. However, people being people, there’s a high probability your loaned heart will be bruised or crushed at some point.  Clearly that’s happening with you now. Again, sorry to hear it.

As much as you want to salvage your relationship right now, you can’t really do that by yourself.  It takes you and your boyfriend to make that work.  At this point and time, it seems your boyfriend is just not in a headspace to put forth the effort towards your relationship.  For whatever reason, he’s decided he’s unable to be committed to you. And before you jump the gun, him needing a break may not have anything to do with wanting someone else.

Sometimes folks need a break from a relationship in order to gain perspective for themselves.  They need to be alone with their own thoughts to process certain things going on in their lives.  For example, in those instances when I feel I’m being crushed by the problems in life, I like to retreat from the loved ones around me in order to think. To gain perspective. And my retreat has nothing to do with wanting to hurt loved ones or wanting to cut ties with people.  It’s just harder for me to figure things out surrounded by people that require energy.  Energy I needed to overcome whatever and grow. Thankfully, I’m surrounded by people who understand that.  So if your boyfriend happens to be like me, he may need you to be like the loved ones in my life.

Suggestions going forward.

  1. Try reaching out to your boyfriend again, and asking for a little clarification about the break. Ask him if everything is alright with him personally, and if he needs space to sort things out going on in his own life.  If he is going through some things, try to be supportive and understanding and give him a little time and space. But remember, you seeking clarification is not you trying to reconcile.  It’s about being supportive to him, and gaining understanding for you.

 

  1. Now if nothing is going on with your boyfriend, and he needs a break from you because of things going on in your relationship, you have to respect that too. Heck, if anything that gives him time to remember what he’s missing.

 

  1. And if your man wants a break because there is someone else, than let him go. You can’t trap someone in a relationship with you.  That never works.

 

  1. Revenge is never as satisfying as you think it will be. More than likely you’ll do something for revenge, and wind up still hurt by your boyfriend, and remorseful for your actions.

 

  1. Regardless of why you and your boyfriend are taking the break, use this time apart for you to gain perspective of your own. To evaluate things in your own life and check your own progression and growth.

As always nothing but love,

Tavion Scott

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