Dating

Dating Does NOT Require Exclusivity

Hey T,

As always great blog. I am currently crushing on someone. To be exact, it’s two someones. I am a bisexual man and I’m liking an associate from work and an associate from church. The more I talk to her or him the more I find myself wanting to flirt and spend time.

Him – I’ve known him for a few years and always been attracted to him. However, he was in a serious relationship when we met and I was dating someone. Fast forward to now, we are both single. He calls and text more now than he ever has in the past. We have even started hanging out.

Her – Fresh out a relationship but has always been my homie. I’m wondering if her sudden interest and wanting to spend time is her looking for a rebound.

Me – mid 30s single and ready to mingle. I’m more introvert so I’m more comfortable in familiar territories. Something about them both is sparking interest, but I don’t know how to handle it. What should I do?

– Crushing

Dear Crushing,

Thanks for writing to me.  I appreciate your kind words about my website and the advice I give. It means a lot that readers like yourself visit my blog and enjoy the words I have to say.  So again, thank you.  Now onto your question.

I know you may think you have a dilemma on your hands here, but I actually don’t see the problem.  You have an interest in two people that may have real interests in you.  On one hand, you have a guy who you’ve been attracted to for quite some time who is finally available.  On the other hand, you have a possible romantic connection with a woman you consider to be a good friend. What you have is an opportunity to date two people to see if either one turns out to be relationship material for you.

There’s often a misconception in society that you can’t date more than one person at a time. That somehow it’s not proper or perhaps impossible. Folks that come from this school of thought think you can’t get to know anyone on an intimate level if you’re focused on two or three other people all at once. Which is true for some.  There are those that can’t juggle a few potential boos.  Heck if I’m honest, I’ve traditionally been one of these people. However, just because I can’t do it, doesn’t mean I think people shouldn’t do it. A few individuals in a date rotation helps some men and women figure out what they do and don’t want in a relationship faster.  And these men and women are able to split their focus equally among the individuals they date.

Now I do want to caution you about dating this woman.  If you are looking for a relationship she may not be ready to be an ideal partner for you. Usually after a  breakup, people need some downtime to themselves before they just hop into another relationship. It’s like a mourning period.  However, it’s possible this woman you’re pursuing has already mourned the loss of her relationship, so in that case, you would have nothing to worry about.

Suggestions going forward.

  1. Remember, exclusivity is NOT a requirement in dating. Until two people agree to only see each other, then each individual is free to see whoever they want guilt free.

 

  1. If you find yourself being like me and unable to date more than one person at a time, than you should pick which person you feel more of a romantic connection with presently. Go on a few dates and see if anything comes of it. If it turns out you aren’t a match with that person, try dating the other.  Just because exclusivity isn’t required in dating, doesn’t mean you have to date multiple people at the same time either. You know what you can handle.

As always nothing but love,

Tavion Scott

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2 thoughts on “Dating Does NOT Require Exclusivity”

  1. Crushing says:

    Thanks for the advice. I’ll try it out and see what happens.

    1. AsAccordingToT says:

      You’re more than welcome. You come on back if you need some more assistance.

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