I need some help here for my son. If he is gay that is fine and if not that is fine too. He started hanging with a friend he met and they get along great, which is cool. The thing is my son says he is confused because he likes to hang with his friend because he likes his values and the way he thinks but he does not like penis and his new friend is 100% gay. So what advice can I help give to him. I told him it seems like a companionship more than a relationship but they are pretty close in comparison and hard to help him understand what it is he has. I just love my son no matter what, and I just feel you can give some really good advice.
Thank you so very much,
Thanks for writing to me. I’d like to start off by commending you for being so open-minded when it comes to your son. For quite a few parents, a son’s sexuality is a pretty big deal, and they most certainly care if he prefers men or women. So again, kudos to you.
As far as advice goes, you should take a hands off approach when it comes to your son trying to figure out his sexuality. Deep down, he knows his sexual preference (s). If your son does happen to be gay, or maybe bisexual, he has to come to grips with that on his own terms without your influence. For a lot of people, the journey of sexual discovery and acceptance is a difficult one. A lot of self-denial is involved. Trust me I now. Heck, the first book in my Majoring in Me series Acceptance is about this very topic.
On the flipside, if your son is strictly attracted to the opposite sex, then I think it’s okay to reassure him that he can be friends with a gay guy, and not be gay. For some reason, there is a misconception in society that gay men and straight men can’t be friends. As if they can’t be platonic buddies. But that can’t be furthest from the truth. If your son has found a good friend in his friend, then tell him they can be just that. He doesn’t have to be more.
Suggestions going forward.
- Again, try to stay out of this as much as possible, and just be available to support him. Encourage him to take a serious look at himself to figure out his sexuality.
- If your son turns out to be heterosexual, applaud him for his maturity in being able to be close with someone who is gay. Not every straight man is mentally grown up to handle such a friendship.
As always nothing but love,