Dating

The Guy Ghosted Me and Now He’s Back… What Should I Do?

Dear T,

I’m trying to figure out something, and hopefully you can help me. So about a year ago, I was talking to this guy.  We met online, went on a few dates, but never had sex.   Although we never had sex, I just thought we had an amazing connection.  Like we legit would text throughout the day, and stay on the phone late at night.  Then one day after about a month and some change of talking, we had a small argument.  Like so small I didn’t even think it was that serious.  After that, he went ghost.  I didn’t hear from him.  He didn’t reply to my texts, answer my phone calls, and stopped liking my posts on Instagram. Well three days ago I ran into him at a bar, and he seemed super eager to see me.  The crazy part is, he asked me where I had been and what happened to me. I couldn’t believe it. Usually I would have paid him dust, but I instantly felt that connection with him when I saw him again.  Since meeting up, we got back to texting and everything.

What I need from you is help sorting out why he just disappeared and came back like nothing happened. Also, do you think it’s a good idea to even entertain this guy again?

Thanks,

Mr. Trying Not to Be Foolish

Dear Mr. Trying Not to Be Foolish,

Thanks for writing to me. Unfortunately, it sounds like you got swept up in a situation that many folks have found themselves in at one time or another, regardless of sexuality.  Truth be told, I’ve been there myself. Which is probably why I feel for you.

First and foremost, let’s talk about why this man went “Casper the Not So Friendly Ghost” on you.  I have three theories on what happened here.  My first theory is that the guy was only cool getting to know you up until a certain point.  I understand that you two shared a connection; however, connections don’t always translate into relationships.  There are countless people out here who aren’t wanting to dig too deep with people because of some relationship phobia.  Whatever issue you two had was the perfect excuse for him to use to bail from continuing with your further.

To be honest, some folks don’t have a relationship phobia, but are in a relationship and don’t want to get too deep with someone because they have a main chick or dude already.  Should you have unknowingly been a potential side dude for this guy, the moment you two got into a minor conflict, was the moment things ended for him. No one wants a side dude that will be as much “work” as their main.

Now my second theory is that what you saw to be a minor argument, was actually a big blow out.  It’s possible that whatever you said or did was extremely offensive to this man, and you failed to recognize what you did and how he was impacted. If he felt you didn’t own your part in the argument and/or respect his feelings, he could have felt prompted to just disappear.

The third theory I have, again has less to do with him, and more so with you. Please don’t get offended, but there is a possibility the connection you felt was lopsided.  You could have felt something deeply for him and maybe even focused all your attention on him. However, he could have been talking to you out of personal entertainment.  Some men out here can be slight attention whores, so anyone cute that pays them attention they’ll flirt with, but have no intentions on doing anything past flirting.

Regardless of the reasoning, this guy is back in the flesh. You wanted to know if talking to this guy is a good idea.  I can’t say for certain if it’s a good idea or not, but I can say I think you should be EXTREMELY cautious. I’d hate for you to emotionally invest in this guy again and be hurt. That’s why it’s important you get to the bottom of why he left you high and dry in the first place. Don’t invest anymore time in this man until you get some answers.

Suggestions going forward.

  1. Stop going along with this guy’s pretending. Call him up and ask him why he went ghost.  If he doesn’t answer your question, or gives you a petty or unbelievable excuse, move on.

 

As always nothing but love,

Tavion Scott

 

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