I Slept with My Personal Trainer and It Wasn’t Good… Now What?

Dear T,

I check out your blog from time to time and really like what you have to say.  I especially like what you had to say about messing around with your personal trainer. That was pretty good advice.  Unfortunately, I didn’t take it.  A little less than a week ago, I went out with my trainer to grab drinks at Fridays.  One thing led to another, and we wound back to my place.  I thought the sex would be amazing. Unfortunately, all the muscles and that sexy ass smile couldn’t make up for the fact that he wasn’t that good in bed.  His equipment was decent but he didn’t have any rhythm.  Needless to say, I was disappointed.  Since that night, I have actually cancelled my sessions with him because I don’t know what to say. I just want us to go back to our training relationship and pretend like nothing happened.  That’s hard to do when he’s seen me naked and keeps texting me flirty messages. Long story short, how do I go back to normal?  Any advice here is welcomed.


Mistakenly Foolish

Dear Mistakenly Foolish,

Thanks for writing to me and sharing your kind words.  I always enjoy hearing positive feedback on my site and the advice I give.  Makes me feel like I’m providing some kind of service.  So like I said, thank you.

In terms of helping you with your dilemma, I’m going to respectfully start with a version of “I told you so.” This awkward situation that you find yourself in, is one of the main reasons why I caution people against sleeping with their employee, employer, coworker, and in your case, personal trainer.  Once you cross that professional boundary into romantic and/or lustful territory, you’re gambling.  Either you’ll realize that the “forbidden fruit” should have stayed forbidden because it didn’t taste like you thought it would or has too many flaws for you to manage.  Or you could realize that the “forbidden fruit” is the love of your life and you two are destined to be together.  But statistically, the latter happening is not as likely.  Which again is why I caution folks against crossing the line.

Enough with my rendition of “I told you so”, and onto the advice you really wrote me seeking.  The way I see it, you have a few options to choose from moving forward. And I’m here to walk you through each one:

Deny, Deny, and Deny Some More!

You could easily just pretend like nothing happened between you two.  Like you remember grabbing drinks with him at TGI Fridays, but aren’t quite sure what happened after that. If you go with this method moving forward, then you have to stop making things so awkward.  Go to the gym like you usually do, attend all your training sessions with this guy, and respond to all his text messages with professional messages of your own.  Even if he gets flirty.  Stay far away from using emojis, typing terms like “lol” and “lmao”, and don’t reply too quickly.  Since you’ve already started trying to distance yourself from the trainer without having a “oops I forgot what happened” conversation, this maneuver may be harder to pull off, but not impossible.

Now should he attempt to remind you of what happened, you could stress you really just don’t remember.  Claim that while you find him to be a good guy, you’d rather not do anything to compromise your working relationship.  That should push him back into the friend zone at least.


Run Far Away

This is definitely a costlier option.   Think about it.  You already paid your annual gym fee, you probably already budgeted this gym’s monthly fees in your finances, and your current trainer may be cheaper than any new one you may find.  However, if you’d rather avoid all the uncomfortable conversations, then take your fitness elsewhere. Just be prepared to pay another annual fee and perhaps maintenance fees, and get accustomed to a new trainer.


Give It to Him Straight NO Chaser

You know, they say the truth will set you free.  If you have the strength and courage to do so, I recommend taking this option.  You don’t have to tell him that he’s bad in bed, but simply tell him that you two sleeping together was a mistake.  That you prefer your friendly professional relationship you two once had, and wish to return to that less complicated relationship. Hopefully he’ll be cool with that.  If not, then that’s on him.  However, if he’s not cool with going back to the basics, then you’ll have to get a new trainer anyway.


And there you have it. Three solid options for you to choose from laid out. So just think about it, and know you have to make a decision sooner rather than later. Avoidance is usually only a temporary fix, not a permanent solution.

As always nothing but love,

Tavion Scott

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