I’ve got a bit of a problem. Or at least I think I do. So check it, I’ve been in this relationship with my boyfriend for about two months. One night we were just talking about our pasts and what not, and I talked about my ex-girlfriend. When I told him that we actually lived together and were briefly engaged, he got all weird. Which I don’t understand. I thought he was jealous at first, but then he started asking me why I didn’t tell him I’m bisexual. Like he legit got pissed at me. In fact, ever since we talked about my past three days ago, he’s been barely talking to me. I don’t get what his issue is. He can’t really be this upset about me being bisexual can he? Let me know your thoughts.
-I Like Both
Dear I Like Both,
Thanks for writing to me. I’m going to cut straight to the chase and sort this out for you. Your hunch that that your boyfriend has an issue with your sexuality sounds about right to me based on what you shared. He sounds like so many gay men, and heterosexual women for that matter. Your bae sounds like he could be a bit of a “bisexual-phobe”. I know this is not a real term, but it’s a real concept.
A bisexual-phobe is essentially a person that fears the idea that anyone can like both men and women. This person usually looks at sexuality in the purest forms of black and white. So from a bisexual-phobe’s perspective, a man or woman can like the same sex or the opposite sex, but a person liking both equally is irrational. Like finding a unicorn on the White House lawn.
With that said, bisexual-phobes try to avoid getting into situationships and relationships with bisexual men and women. They think bisexuals are confused sexually, and will one day wake up to discover they indeed like only men or only women. Bisexual-phobes don’t like putting themselves in a situation where they feel as if they are being used to satisfy a person’s temporary curiosities.
Bringing this back around to you and your situation. If your boyfriend has an issue with your bisexuality, then you have to make him understand that you are committed to him. And only him. Make him realize that any fears he may have of you ditching him for a woman, are unwarranted. Explain your sexuality, and be firm in letting him know that you are sure of what you want.
Suggestions going forward.
- Have a heart-to-heart with your boyfriend and get to the bottom of his strange behavior. Again from what you wrote, news of your sexuality and your former female fiancé threw him. Explain you are attracted to men and women, but once you’re with a person, you’re with a person. He probably just needs a little reassurance.
- I should warn you that there is a possibility that your boyfriend is not concerned about your sexuality at all. He may have been put off by the fact that you were engaged. Two months is a pretty long time to let past and not share you once had a fiancé. Heck, a lot of people would get peeved by that. If this is why he is upset, be willing to answer any questions he may have about your engagement and apologize for not sharing.
- This last suggestion is not really directed at you, but more so toward everyone else who may be reading this. People should accept the fact that bisexuality is a real thing. There are folks out here that genuinely are attracted to both men AND women. There is no need to be insecure about that because the truth is, if a person wants to be with you, he’ll be with you. And if he were going to leave you for another person, he’s going to leave you. Chances of infidelity don’t necessarily fluctuate based on a person’s appetite for both sexes.
As always nothing but love,