I made a damn fool of myself with this guy I see at the gym all of the time. I joined this Gold’s Gym by me about 2 months, and about three weeks ago I noticed this man, and I mean a man. He’s this fine thick muscle dude, with this crazy amazing smile. Anyway, I may have noticed him, but he was definitely noticing me too. I would catch him checking me out or whatever. Recently, we even started talking. Mostly about sports and 45.
Long story short, a few days ago after I finished a workout, I went to the Sauna. Oddly enough, about five minutes later I look up and see the guy walk in and he sits down within arm’s reach. Keep in mind there is no one in the sauna but us two. We’re talking and laughing (sweating too because it was hot as shit in that sauna), and before you know it, I lean in for a kiss. Now I wasn’t looking at a watch or clock or anything, but I swear the kiss lasted for at least three seconds. Even felt like he kissed me back. But after those three seconds were up, he flips and tells me didn’t ask for that, and asks me why the hell I would do that. After he left pissed, I left pissed and embarrassed, and haven’t gone back to the gym since. Anyway, please tell me how to fix this situation. Like how do I make things less awkward, or at least good enough to the point I can show my face in gym?
-Team Too Embarrassed
Dear Team Too Embarrassed,
Thanks for writing to me. I can’t even lie, your alias here is perfect. Not to rub anything in, but I too would be feeling embarrassed in this situation. Anytime people put themselves out there and are met with rejection, and awkward moments follow, they are entitled to feel anywhere from slightly uncomfortable to extremely mortified. So I understand your current emotional state.
Now I have some good news for you. Based on what you told me, I actually think the guy was attracted to you, but was put off by your timing. All the exchanged looks between you two and the fact he at least let you continue kissing him for three seconds before leaving, doesn’t amount to exactly nothing. He probably was feeling you. However, he wasn’t feeling you enough to be caught up in a moment of public affection.
You two were in a sauna where anyone could walk in, and he may not have wanted other gym members to see him getting hot and heavy. There’s a chance he could be DL, and I’m sure you know those who are DL don’t really do things in plain sight. Or he could be like myself, and just not be into PDA. PDA is just not something I generally like to partake in, and I know there are others out there that share my sentiment.
There is also the small little fact that you two don’t really know each other, and some people are just opposed to kissing strangers. I know guys who may do every sexual act you can think of with a stranger, but won’t kiss. To these men, kissing is held in high regard, and they only do it with people they know. And no offense, but it doesn’t sound like you two know each other that well. So for all intent and purposes, you’re a stranger.
In terms of making things less awkward, if you have a social media account for this guy, you can try sending him a direct message apologizing for misreading some signs. Once you do that, you put the ball in his court. It’s then up to him to either forgive you and move on, or not. If you don’t know his profiles on IG, Snapchat, Facebook, Twitter, etc., then I’d wait for him to approach you about the issue should you two encounter one another again. Other than that, you either change the times you go to the gym, or stick with your current routine and have a really amazing playlist to keep you laser focused on your workout instead of your surroundings. For the latter idea, may I recommend some New Orleans Bounce or Demi Lovato. (I’ve been on a real Demi kick for whatever reason. I’ve come to find out she’s a great artist.)
Suggestions going forward.
- You’ve got to be more careful about lunging to kiss folks. Next time, try exchanging numbers before lips. And that’s no shade AT ALL!
- If you and this guy don’t see each other again, or you do and he ignores you, don’t make a big deal of it. Just keep it pushing. Consider it a lesson learned.
- There is a small chance this guy will reach out to you. As I expressed, it sounds like he may be attracted to you. If he does, play it cool this time.
As always nothing but love,
PS. Check out New Demi Lovato