It’s come to my attention that like me once upon a time, many of you dating or in relationships make the unfortunate mistake of confusing your man for a mind reader. You think the person you’re investing your heart, head, and loins in should be able to always know what you’re feeling without you saying a word. Despite your street smarts and degrees, you falsely believe that your boyfriend or “guy of the moment” should have the uncanny ability to know when you’re hurt and disappointed. To know all of the triggers that set you off and turn you into a ferocious lion (no Lannister). To know everything you need when you need it. You expect a human being to know all of this without you having to move your lips.
Perhaps the funniest thing about this unspoken communication you think instantly exists between two people, is that when you feel he didn’t listen to the wavelengths you sent from your mind to his, you get upset and arguments follow. All jokes aside, if this sounds like you or someone you know, allow me to provide a much needed wake-up call. Because if you want a little more stability in your life going forward, it’s needed.
As I’ve already stated, I too used to be one of the people described above. I thought whoever I was with was supposed to have this supernatural talent of knowing how I’m feeling 24/7. However, about five years ago I was called on my BS. I was bluntly told that there is no way a person I haven’t known my whole life can possibly know every little thing that will piss me off. That it’s unrealistic to think that an individual will know what will hurt, anger, and/or offend me without having prior knowledge of my personality. If I’m extra honest here, people that have known me my entire life don’t always know what will set me off because they aren’t me, and people tend to change. I’ve evolved from the guy I was ten years ago.
So if you now or ever have gotten pissed because your boyfriend or the guy your dating doesn’t call you as frequently as you’d like, or is never ready to leave on-time, or always picks out the movie you two see or the place where you dine without consulting you, or maybe doesn’t please you in the bedroom in the way you’d like, don’t get upset. Get communicating. Verbally express to your partner how you’re feeling so he will know. I’m not saying that this will prevent future arguments, or that he will stop doing things that bug you. But at least he will have a heads-up, and the blueprints of a roadmap to navigate his way around your emotions. And more importantly, you get in the habit of not setting up your man to fail. Trust me, no man likes to be put in the doghouse for something he didn’t even know he did.
Now I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t offer you this last bit of advice to add to this reality check so many of you need. When expressing your feelings to your mate, there is no need to be nasty about it. Don’t turn a conversation into a “Yell at Jim, James, Paul, or Tyrone Session.” When you highlight flaws that bother you, be sure to highlight some positives as well to soften the blow. Oh, and by opening this door of communication, you need to prepare to hear some things about yourself that may bother him. If you think you don’t have one single flaw that someone finds annoying, you need a deeper reality check than this post provides.
As always nothing but love,