friendship

How to Tell A Friend Crashing On Your Couch It’s Time to Go!

T,

I noticed you give legit advice, so I guess I’m trying this thing out.  I’m having a roommate situation.  I guess it’s really more of a friend situation.  So for the past two months I’ve been letting a close friend stay with me, and I’m kind of tire of having him around. He relocated to my city because he needed a fresh start, but he hasn’t found a job yet.  Which means he’s been here rent free.  I don’t think I would care so much if he weren’t eating all my food and inviting himself to come with me every time I leave the house.  I have to be comfortable when I come home.  Basically, how do I put my friend out of my house without losing him in my life?

Thanks for whatever advice you give,

Martin Payne92

Dear Martin Payne92,

Thanks for writing to me.  Whenever a friend latches onto your nerves, it always put you in an uncomfortable situation. For starters, you know if it were anyone else you’d be ready to cuss the offender out from here to the unpaved streets of Bangladesh.  However, since it’s not, and you actually care what a friend may think of you and how your relationship moves forward, you show restraint.  Which means you’re left in an awkward situation.

While there are really different approaches you could try to resolve this matter, I’m really going to recommend one.  The direct approach. Don’t try dropping clues that he’s worn out his welcome. And don’t try that reverse psychology where you attempt to become so annoying that you make him extremely uncomfortable where he feels he has no choice but to leave. Both of these indirect approaches and mind games will more than likely cause more harm than good to your friendship, which you’re trying to avoid in the first place.  And while being direct may make things uncomfortable a bit, your friendship will be better off for it.

Like I’ve said before, if you can’t be honest with your friends, then perhaps your friendship isn’t as real as you may think.  You should be able to have a conversation with your friend about something bothering you and vice versa without the relationship completely falling apart.  If your current living situation with your friend is not working, tell him that.  As nice as you possibly can, tell him that while you cherish your friendship and have been glad you were there for him during his transition, it’s time that he seriously think about other living arrangements.  Make sure he understands that you love him but for the sake of your friendship, you two can’t live under the same roof.

Suggestions going forward.

  1. If you take the direct approach, you ironically don’t have to get into specifics. You don’t have to tell him that him eating all your food is working your nerves, or that you’re tired of feeling like you have an extra shadow.  Just stick to the line that the living arrangement is not working.

 

  1. Again, be direct yet kind when you have the conversation with your friend.

 

  1. Prepare yourself for things to possibly be awkward between you and your friend for a while after the conversation, but if you two have a real bond, things will normalize themselves sooner or later.

As always nothing but love,

Tavion Scott

 

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