relationships

My Long Distance Boyfriend Cheated on Me

Hello T,

I’m in a relationship with my British boyfriend and when we met at the airport he proposed to me which I said YES because I love him with all my heart, then  getting to his lovely house that same day I ate and had my bath. And when he was having his bath I was going through his phone, then I saw a text on his phone telling one of his friends he gave someone a hand job because he was lonely and not with his boyfriend yet. This happened a week after I came so I was shocked because he promised never to cheat on me and that he’ll never sleep with anyone else.  Even when I told him someday to sleep with someone because I cared about him because he was telling me how frustrated he was alone without me yet, but I told him if he do that that he should protect himself but he refused and said NO that he won’t cheat on me which I’d believed but now I’m confused, I’m thinking he will still do the same someday when we’re married.

Please help me with advice.

From NiG Nello

Dear Nig Nello,

Thanks for writing to me. I’m sorry to hear that you’re having problems in your relationship. Although I’m little fuzzy with some parts of your dilemma, I’m pretty sure I understand the basics of your question, so I’m going to try my best to help you out.  So let’s get to it.

It sounds like you and your boyfriend are currently in a long-distance relationship, and those types of relationships are often a complicated beast.  The people who choose to get involved in them have to have a certain level of strength, willpower, and love, in order for the coupledom to thrive and succeed. It sounds like your mate may lack a bit of the willpower. Well, he lacked a bit of willpower in that particular incident.

Not to play the blame game here, but you kind of started this particular problem.  As soon as you let him know that you would be okay if he sleeps with someone if he gets lonely, you signified to him that you’d be okay with him if he cheats.  I understand that he may have told you that he didn’t want to sleep with anybody else, but the fact you two live an airplane ride apart and the flesh can be weak, you even suggesting that you’d be okay with infidelity was all he needed to hear to mess with someone else.  He knew that should he be with someone else, that you’d probably be okay with it given the idea was something you originally suggested.  There is an old expression I think you should keep in mind, “don’t say it if you don’t mean it.”

Now I understand you are hesitant about marrying your fiancé, but as I always say, I will never tell someone whether to stay in or leave a relationship. Unless there is physical or verbal abuse involved, I don’t think it’s ever my job to tell someone when enough is enough.  A person should know when he’s reached his or her boiling point.  With that said, if you think that him interacting with this stranger in the way he has is more than you can handle, then you need to have a conversation with him and tell him that.  If you think you two can overcome this issue, then have the conversations and get the help you need to move forward toward your wedding day.

Suggestions moving forward.

  1. If you two decide to stay together, then you both should really discuss how you plan to deal with the distance between you going forward. Primarily figure out if you two get married, who is willing to move where in order for you two to live together.

 

  1. Again, if you two decide to forgive him and stay together, then really forgive him. Don’t keep throwing this mistake in his face every time you get upset.

As always nothing but love,

T.

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