relationships

After this Breakup, Will I Find Love Again?

Hello T,

Thanks for the advice in the last article. Unfortunately, my guy wants to explore this “spark” with his “friend” more than he wants to be with me. It HURTS! I feel that he’s my soul mate and I’ve never said that about anyone before. Plus, this guy is in a relationship himself. Will the pain of losing your soul mate ever go away? Do you get more than one soul mate? Will God show him the truth?

Lost and Confused

Dear Lost and Confused,

Thanks for writing to me.  I’m sorry to hear things didn’t work out for you and your ex.  I know to find out your boyfriend was more infatuated with someone else than he was in love with you, was a definite “ouch” moment. Especially, since you were clearly committed to him and saw him to be a part of your longtime future as partner and soulmate.  But one thing I know for certain and I’ll share with you today is this, no romantic heartache is so bad that a person can’t ever recover.  NONE!

As romantic as the whole concept of a soulmate is, it often is an idea that cripples people.  Folks walk around in life thinking they are only gifted one great love.  That there is only one person in life that will bring them the unwavering support, unhesitating loyalty, and unconditional love they’ve always wanted.  The problem with that, is many people go through life getting in situationships and relationships under the presumption that each guy is “the one.”  Then when things don’t work out, the individuals grow bitter about love or simply doubt there is a great guy out there for them.

Don’t get me wrong, I believe that people are specially made for each other, and I’m not discrediting your feelings; but, it’s a strong probability that your ex was not your soulmate.  Although you may have wanted him to be, and felt more love toward him than anyone you’ve ever been with, his actions say to me that he is more than likely not your Prince Charming.  Once you are able to reach that conclusion for yourself, I think you will be able to take steps toward moving on.

Look, for many of us, it’s human nature for us to be stubborn and set in our ways.  We will lock onto an idea in our head, and no matter how many signs pop up signifying our idea is a wrong one, we don’t listen. Heck, I’ve made more than a few mistakes and caused my share of self-inflicted heartache, just because I refused to pick up on the signs that told me I was wrong, or that screamed “abort this mission.”  Your ex choosing to pursue someone else who is also in his own relationship is a pretty big sign, he was not your soulmate.  I know you asked about whether God will show your ex the truth, but it’s quite possible you’re being shown the truth right now.

And in terms of there only be one soulmate per person in life, I don’t believe that.  I think of the concept like this.  Each person is jigsaw puzzle piece in a sea of puzzle pieces.  Many of us if we are fortunate and receptive to love, will find a piece we fit with effortlessly.  However, if something happens to tear us from that perfectly fitted puzzle piece we’ve found, there is a glimmer of some good news.  A puzzle piece has more than one side, which means there are other fitting pieces.  Bringing this back around full circle, a person is entitled to more than one perfect fit (or match) in love.

 

Suggestions going forward.

  1. I can’t tell you when the hurt of losing this guy will end, but I can tell you that you can heal from this breakup. It’s up to you to grieve the conclusion of the relationship, extend forgiveness to your ex for making you feel this way, and have the hope and courage to know that you’re entitled to someone that is better for you.  In hindsight months or years from now, you’ll probably look back on this situation, thankful it didn’t work out because it was never meant to last.

 

  1. Again, many of us are guilty of trying to make something work that was not meant to be, or meant to last. I’ve personally been attempting to be more receptive to God trying to tell me to let go of those things that hinder me from growing into my destiny and calling. I encourage you to do the same.

 

 

  1. There is nothing wrong with praying God heals you from this heartache. So make sure you do that.  Also, be willing to ask God for a discerning mind when it comes to making romantic decisions, and an obedient heart, so when he tells you “keep it moving,” you listen.

As always nothing but love,

T.

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