Out the gate, let me warn you all that this is one of those posts not meant to necessarily make you laugh or feel good. Instead, I hope the writing here makes folks do some self-evaluation. While leaders across the globe have made playing the blame game popular, I find the game immature and rarely helpful when it comes to matters of the heart.
In the past several years, I’ve seen too many social media posts ranting about there being no quality men in the world. That all men ever want is sex and not commitment. That men play too many games. That the wrong type of men keep approaching. This may be a harsh truth for some of you reading this, but sometimes your dating life isn’t successful because of you. Sometimes you being single has less to do with the men around you, and more to do with your own issues.
Have you ever heard of the expression, “you attract what you put out”? In select cases, people are out here blaming the quality of men available for why they are single, when they themselves aren’t necessarily above the quality of men they are bashing. The individuals I’m talking about complain about men being liars, cheaters, immature, and crazy. And yet, if you were to look at these people’s resume, you would see instances of them lying, cheating, being childish, and downright nuts. See the irony here. You can’t critique your dating orbit around you for being what you yourself are. So if this sounds like you, work on fixing some of your own flaws and being better, so you can attract better.
Now there are some singles that are indeed “elevated” above the men they always come across. However, when that’s the case, sometimes I have to question where these elevated individuals are looking for a mate. You can’t always go on Jack’d expecting to find the Will to your Jada, or Beyoncé to your Jay. And you can’t always go to a seedy bar hoping to find Prince Charming. I’m not saying you can’t find the man of your dreams in these places, I’m just saying it may be time to increase your odds by searching elsewhere. You don’t go fishing in a pond expecting to catch sea bass.
Oh and I can’t forget those single individuals who claim to want to be in a relationship, but are just too unrealistic with their expectations in a mate. I know there are movies and TV shows that will depict that the perfect Mr. Right exists for everyone; however, that simply isn’t true. Every man has his flaws. Every single last one. Having said that, you can’t expect that tall light-skinned brother with the perfect smile, not to have one or two things about him that you don’t like. Or that muscled-up chocolate brother with the big booty, not to have character imperfections that annoy you on occasion. For some of you, it’s time you get practical with your mate goals.
Just to be clear, I’m not asking people to throw away their idea of Prince Charming. I’m simply recommending that some of you alter it. If you yourself aren’t perfect, how can you seek perfection in a bae?
And lastly, people should take into consideration that they may be single because they are not the easiest person to date. Each and every one of us comes with baggage, but as someone single and searching, have you dealt with your baggage effectively. Have you gotten to the point that you can successfully be with someone else and not allow your stuff to tank a situation before it really begins? Or are you too jaded, scarred, or emotionally unavailable to connect with another human being intimately?
Like all the advice I offer, I do so today from a place of wanting to help. I want people to succeed in love if that’s what they truly desire. I don’t mean to offend, but instead I aim to be a spark for those who need to do some self-reflection.
As always, nothing but love
P.S. Make sure you bought your copy of Majoring in Me: Acceptance