Should I Be Buying Him a Christmas Gift?

Dear T,

I don’t have a major problem to ask you about, but more like a minor situation.  I’ve been dating this guy about a month, and Christmas is approaching.  I’m not sure if I should be trying to buy him a gift or not. While we aren’t official yet, we’ve been on several dates, and I haven’t been talking to other guys.   He says I’m the only guy he’s talking to as well.  But again, we haven’t had that conversation about us being in a relationship.  Which I’m find with.  But, what do you think I should do?   BTW, I’m a fan of the site.

Thanks in advance for the advice,

Charlie S.

Dear Charlie S.,

Thanks for writing to me.  I’m always glad to hear when people have an appreciation for my site, so again, thank you.  Now as far as your dilemma here, it’s a relatively simple one.  Or at least that’s how I see it.  Let’s go ahead and jump in.

In general principle, I typically don’t buy Christmas gifts for anyone except for the family I spend the holiday with, the boo I’m official with, and perhaps folks around the office I work with if we’re involved in some kind of gift exchange or Secret Santa.  Oh and if I’m giving back to the community via Angel Tree. Don’t get me wrong now, I love the art of gift giving.  I enjoy taking the time to shop and find something special for someone special (not so much if it’s for Secret Santa in an office necessarily, but overall).  Because I find something almost sacred in gift giving, I try to reserve it for those close to my heart.  Make sense.  I know many of those reading this will be thinking, “a gift is just a gift, what’s so sacred about it?”  But again, this is my perspective, and my take on the matter.

With that said, here’s what I’ll tell you.  If you have the coins and aren’t going to be upset if a present is not reciprocated, then go ahead and buy him a gift. It would be a nice gesture, and we all know that Christmas is the season of giving. Yet again, if you don’t have the coins, then don’t put yourself in a financial strain.  And if you are the type of person that will be salty if you don’t get a gift in return, then don’t purchase a thing.  I’d hate for a Christmas gift to be the root of any tension in your blossoming “situationship.”

On a side note, I commend you and the guy you’re talking to for taking your time dating and not jumping into a relationship.  Often in the LGBT community, people jump into relationships at warp speed, only to jump out of them just as fast.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with taking your time to get to know someone before declaring your love and committing to him.  So kudos to you.

Suggestions going forward.

  1. Don’t stress yourself out over giving this guy a present. If you guys do get into a relationship, you’ll have opportunities for that with future Christmases and birthdays.


  1. If you do decide to get him something, don’t get anything too extravagant. You’re only a month in a situationship, and you don’t want to have to keep topping yourself with more and more expensive gifts this early should you two get deeper involved.  Plus, you don’t want to scare him off.  Even if you can afford it, getting him something like a car, Rolex, or Macbook, is a No No!

As always nothing but love,


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