Where Are the Quality Men?

Dear T,

I’m not sure if I have a question, or more of something I want to rant about.  Lately, it seems like every person that hits me up on these dating apps are just blah.  They always come at me sideways with ratchet comments, and like 8 out of 10 of them are a little less than unattractive.  Like where are all the good guys?  The attractive ones.  The non-corny ones. The ones that don’t make my skin crawl.  Again, not much of a question but more of a vent.   Love the site btw.


Searching But No Luck

Dear Searching But No Luck,

Thanks for writing to me, and I’m glad you enjoy my website.  It always feels good on this end to hear positive feedback.  So again, thank you.  Now while your question is indeed more of a vent, I’m still going to offer you some advice.

Based on the little bit of info that you told me, I’m under the impression you have a seductive profile picture on your Jack’d, Grindr, Tinder, and whatever other apps you are on.  You probably think it’s hot, sexually alluring, and all that good stuff.  The problem is, putting those types of images up as a profile picture will garner you all sorts of attention from all sorts of people.  Some folks you will vibe with, others not so much.  It’s just the risk you take being “sexy” on these apps.

It’s also worth pointing out, that every person that uses these apps receives unwanted messages.  I remember when I was on them years ago, I received some of the most ratchet messages from people.  I recall one message from a man not of color who wanted to know if I was interested in being his slave.  He honestly thought I had an interest in reenacting some sick twisted Roots fantasy.  Then there was another guy who didn’t offer so much as a hello, before offering to give me an “oral fix.”  I couldn’t find the block button soon enough.  In either case, I risked receiving those types of messages because my profile picture was of my exposed chest.  So I was bound to get some unwanted attention.

Don’t get me wrong now.  It’s never anyone’s fault for being approached with ratcheness.  However, think of it like going fishing.  You put bait on a hook, not knowing for certain what fish you may attract.  All you can do is hope you go to the right environment and display the best kind of “food” to catch something worth having.  In other words, reevaluate what you put out there, and where you’re looking for quality men.  BGC Live and Jack’d may offer a different environment from Grindr and Tinder.  And it’s perfectly okay to get off of the sites and go to physical places to look too.

Suggestions going forward.

  1. Keep in mind that the great loves worth having, often come along when you’re not obsessing over finding them. Trust me.  If you’re a praying man, it’s okay to ask God for a quality man.  In fact, I encourage that.

As always nothing but love,


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2 thoughts on “Where Are the Quality Men?”

  1. James says:

    I really like your answer here. You do sorta get what you put out there. The problem is too, for the most part, no real “quality” guys on line anymore. For a time I think that was true, but they too got discouraged and gave up in this “its all about me” society.

    1. AsAccordingToT says:

      Thank you. I actually have a theory that there is a slow shift occurring. More people rather meet other people organically out and about. Less likely to get catfished that way, and you get a sense of a person better face to face. Online personas often differ from the real persons. So yes, people are getting tired of wasting their time online dating.

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