friendship, relationships

Can I Tell My Friend His Engagement is a Mistake?

T,

How do you tell a friend he is a making a huge mistake.  A friend of mine has been with this guy for like 5 months, and last weekend the two got engaged.  Like to be married. I think that is crazy.  I want to tell him I think he is making a mistake, but my other friend told me it’s not my place.  But what do you think I should do?

Le Sigh

Dear Le Sigh,

Thanks for writing to me.  I can understand why you are concerned about your friend’s pending nuptials. For many people, like you and I, five months is really not a long time.  In most cases, five months is not enough time to see if you want to spend forever with someone.  To see what he’s like after the honeymoon phase of your relationship is over.  To see how your relationship can weather the storms of life that impact every relationship. To see how he interacts with your loved ones.  To see how you two recover after massive arguments.  So again, I understand your concern here.

However, I’m assuming your friend is grown.  If that is indeed the case, you have to let him navigate his life the way he sees fit.  If he feels he knows this guy well enough to get engaged, then as a friend you have to respect his decision.  Heck, there are a few couples out there that got hitched within a shorter span than five months, and have been married for decades.  Who’s to say your friend and his boo won’t be like one of these couples?

Now having said that, I do think it’s within your rights as a friend to ask him if he’s really ready to be someone’s husband.  It’s within your rights as a friend to express your concern that you think he and his new fiancé are moving too quickly.  BUT, under no circumstances are you to say “you are making a mistake.”  That phrase can possibly set off an argument, because it really is saying you invalidate a choice he made as a grown man.  Besides, I’m sure he will here that from his parents, and just rather not hear that phrase from a dear friend.

Suggestions going forward.

  1. Again, express your concerns about his engagement, but respect his decision.

 

  1. Try hanging around your friend and his fiancé a bit. Some more time around them may reveal to you why they are engaged, and if it’s the right move for them.

As always nothing but love,

T.

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