He Wants to be Intimate, But He Smells

Hello folks!  Today I would like to talk about something slightly uncomfortable for some, and quite entertaining for others.  While speaking with a Facebook friend yesterday, the conversation veered to the topic of musty undercarriage. Now undercarriage in this sense refers to the fun stick and dingle berries, as well as the booty.  And my Facebook friend and I briefly discussed what you do when you encounter an undercarriage that is anything but fresh.  I for one had a few suggestions if ever caught in that scenario, so I decided to share five excuses you can do if ever caught in a similar situation.  So take a look for yourself, and feel free to thank me later. LOL!

  1. Complain of a Headache

This is a fairly easy “Get out of Jail Free” card you can play.  Telling a guy you can’t suck peen or eat cakes because you have a headache is a solid excuse.  When he zips that zipper down, and the aroma of stewed meat or old bus seat starts to penetrate your nose, immediately apologize and tell him you don’t think you can do this.  Claim that you’ve been fighting a headache, and doing any funny business is just too much activity at the moment.  He should definitely understand, because we’ve all had headaches before.


  1. Complain You Have a Full Stomach

Complaining of a full stomach is a real valid reason not to engage in any oral action. I know I for one, am really not here for all that after I’ve eaten a complete meal and had a few cocktails.  I’m one of those people that rather be sleep than sexual when I’m full.  Plus, doing too much after eating and drinking makes me a bit queasy.  So you can tell a guy this when he smells.  As soon as a man’s odor hits your nostrils, you can use the full excuse.  Make it clear, that doing too much on a full stomach will make you want to throw up.


  1. Pretend to Be Shy

Now this will require a bit of acting.  If you already signified that you were ready to engage in something, and then all of a sudden change your mind when you start smelling things, you are going to have to do some convincing why you can’t do it anymore.  So you have to become bashful and state things like “I just can’t do this right now” or “I want to take things slow.”  Although the guy may get uptight, he will have to understand.


  1. Take One for the Team, then Wash

Talk about bravery.  This point requires you to be brave and courageous.  When a guy you’re with reveals his goods, and they smell tainted, you just proceed with limited precaution and go for it.  You use your mouth and just do the do.  But when it’s all said and done, you make an immediate exit to the bathroom and clean up.  Pass go, do not collect $200, and wash.  Use warm water and a good soap.  And make sure you scrub good if you have facial hair.  You don’t want those smells trapped that close to your nose.  I’m done with this point, because it is making me a bit nauseous.


  1. Be Honest

This is a touchy one right here.  Telling someone that their smell is offensive and because of it you can’t play with them, takes a certain amount of guts.  You don’t know how a person will take the criticism, and if they will become defensive.  However, if you tell them, you could be doing him a great favor.  They may not know they exude mustiness.  So if you decide to take this route, be gentle.  And make sure you offer a solution.  As in, you suggest different kinds of soaps, lotions, and fragrances.  Giving advice is the least you can do after hitting him with the bad news.



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