Wanting Companionship vs. Wanting a Relationship

Hey there folks! Today I wanted to take a quick minute to discuss relationship seeking.  See, people claim they’ve been searching high and low for a good man to lock down into a relationship.  However, I can’t help but to question some of those that have been on this long quest for true love.  Hear me out on this before you judge.

My hunch is that many folks claiming to have a desire to be in a relationship, really are just seeking intimate companionship.  They really want a man or woman around to occasionally be a sound board for their problems, to make them laugh on a bad day, and give them some good nookie and cookie.  But the deepness of a relationship, and all the work it requires, these individuals just aren’t prepared for or desire to handle. They don’t want all the attached strings.

Let’s view it like this. Buying a house is a big deal.  Many individuals would place buying a house on their bucket list of life accomplishments.  When they finally save enough to purchase their first home, they feel a since of pride.  However, what some homeowners find out, is that owning a home requires more work than they bargained for.  It requires spending money on property taxes, lawn care, and numerous upkeep costs (i.e. water heater, bursts pipes, roof patches, etc.).  It’s these costs that have some begging to get out their home buying deal, and others content renting their apartment or condo for a long while.  Renters love just having a place to call theirs temporarily, but relish in the quick option to get out if need be.

Bringing this around full circle now.  Again, some people secretly rather have intimate companionship, because a relationship requires too much work, like owning a house.  Relationships require folks to compromise, to listen, to be patient, to say I’m sorry, to weather arguments, and more.  Some people just aren’t ready for any of that.  What they really want is a “steady” without all the strings attached.  They call a man up from time to time to hang out, but there is no expressed monogamous commitment.  And there is nothing wrong with that.  I’m just pointing out a fact.

Look, if you do some soul searching and realize you aren’t ready for a relationship like you’ve been professing across social media, that’s fine!  Keep dating with the intention of dating, not to become boo’d up.  Eventually a light bulb will go off in your mind to let you know when you are ready for the rollercoaster ride of coupledom.  That light bulb may go off when you come to a better understanding about your needs or wants.  Or it may go off when you unexpectedly come across the love of your life.  Just don’t rush to get out of singledom if you aren’t ready.

Well, that’s all I have for now.  But hey, if you have questions.  Hit me up!






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10 thoughts on “Wanting Companionship vs. Wanting a Relationship”

  1. Team Single says:

    Oh yes! This sure is it. . I want companionship only. Lol

    1. AsAccordingToT says:

      Glad you know the difference

  2. James says:

    great topic! not sure of the “companionship definition” though. It sounds nice, but hints of dating and that’s definitely not what folk like this want. They really want more of what might be called several other things: such as, “a drive by”, “fuck buddy”, “a hit it and quit it”.

  3. Val says:

    This is exactly what I am trying to find clarity on. I was recently seeing someone but didn’t want the boyfriend/girlfriend title, but monogamy as we are intimate, but not the strings. I have been out of an abusive marriage (only 2 yrs), he was kicked out for the majority of the second year. It will be a year in April of being free. I wasn’t looking for anything, not even a booty call. I have feelings for this other person, he has for me too, but he just kept asking for more and more. I just wasn’t ready for the depth.. of the relationship. A companion is not about sex. For me, it’s a significant person to help me through my day, laugh with, have fun with, help me fix some things, and do things with perhaps add some intimacy with, but not ..get married in a year or talk about marriage or moving in, or the “serious” strings. Monogamous yes, since we are intimate. But, if we weren’t then monogamous would not matter. I’m trying to find my balance. I’m trying to figure out what exactly I am looking for. But you nailed it. I want the things that come with a relationship but with no strings so if I want to go do this I can or go do that I can and I don’t have to ask permission and that doesn’t mean I’m seeing someone else, it just means if I wanted to hang out with someone else I could. It doesn’t mean I’m looking for a bootie call or a drive by. But deep down I know that if he was with another girl, my feelings would be hurt, but I would also get it because we would not have been serious. I don’t know. Feeling conflicted.

    1. AsAccordingToT says:

      I’m glad you enjoyed reading this piece and found some answers in it!!!

    2. Holly says:

      You don’t ever have to ask your bf/gf permission to go do something… that must’ve been a really controlling relationship if you had to do that with your ex. I could see mentioning “hey i’m going out with the guys tonight” or something similar, but never “asking for permission”. yikes…

  4. Amy G. says:

    It sucks when in a relationship everything is perfect but one wants just companionship and the other wants commitment. I’ve been dating my bf for a little over a year now. This is my happiest relationship so far. He treats me really well and I balance out his energy perfectly too. But! I’m foreign on a visa, and my visa is expiring in a year. When I had the talk with him on whether or not he would consider marriage as a way to keep me here, he backed out. He has his reasons, but I think in reality just like what you said in your writing, he’s probably only looking for companionship and will never commit not matter how much he loves or cares about the person. Because for him, the fear of losing freedom outweighs all the benefits he get from a relationship. It’s so funny how the universe works. This just happened yesterday, and today I saw your post.. We are all on our own journeys, and sometimes even the almost perfect person might still not meant to be..

    1. AsAccordingToT says:

      Thank you so much for sharing your comment. I actually have a response to share with you, but since it’s longer than a typical reply, I’ve created a new post. Return to the main page, I hope you enjoy.

  5. Josie says:

    I love your honest raw well written post. Thank you. I am seeing a widower. It is very new and completely uncharted waters for both parties. This month is a year anniversary of her passing. I have stepped back and provided more space than ever, as I would want. She had been very ill and he very care-giving for several years prior. I am giving him space, boundaries (which I highly believe in anyway and have often called out men in past regarding lack of), and baby steps. Frankly I am not ready to be hurt nor to jump into anything. My ex bf I left years ago but he passed suddenly and too young just this past January. So essentially, it seems right. I am not allowing intimacy and he is not pushing it, he is very respectful, yet I totally feel the intense connection and possibilities but I do have fear. More than any relationship – I have ever been concerned about. Why? Because I adore this man. I feel him. His intensity, the future possibilities. I have went thru relationships in the past and I was not fully vested, I know it and it was not fair to the partner. I was never mean or rude but still I knew it my heart, deep down, they were not the one. This one seems legitimately wonderful on so many levels and none have to do with him losing his wife in the manner he did. I am torn, very torn. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks so much.

    1. AsAccordingToT says:

      Thank you so much for visiting According to T, and for your kind words. Because I appreciate your comment and your request for advice, I went ahead and made a separate post answering your question. It went live today. I hope I was able to help.

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