Please don’t think I’m insecure or anything, but I’m having an issue with my boyfriend. See he is going to Sizzle this weekend with his friends, and I hate it. I’m just not a fan of people in relationships going to these pride events. I remember when I used to go to them with my friends, and it was to have fun and do “grown up” things. And so I’m nervous he may go down there to do the same. I understand he made all his travel arrangements with his crew before we became an official couple, but I’m just uncomfortable. Do you think I can ask him not to go?
In Love but Nervous
Dear In Love but Nervous,
Thanks for writing to me. I thought your question was rather timely considering the pride season really is about to be in full effect. Hopefully, what I tell you here will calm your nerves going into it. Let’s get started.
Like you, many people think of black pride events like gay singles paradise locations where “grown up things” happen. Many of those that go to these events have their Jack’d apps downloaded, condoms purchased, and Fleet bottles ready all in the hopes of engaging in some “grown up things” with some zaddy, trade, twink, and everyone in between. With this in mind, I can definitely understand your apprehension about your very taken bae going to this very single friendly gathering of gays.
BUT, there are two things you should keep in mind here. The first of which being, not all people go to these events to plug a hole or get there hole plugged. Lol! Some people actually go just to hang out with friends and have a few great laughs. Heck, I fall in this category. I can think back on the times I’ve gone to ATL Black Pride for example, and drank, danced, and laughed the nights away with my best friends. And I didn’t recruit a fling in the process. So keep in mind, your boo may just want to enjoy time with his besties.
Second thing you should keep in mind, is that plans have been made and money probably paid, before he joined you in coupledom. I’m not checking anybody’s pockets, but if he already has paid a considerable amount of money for the trip and can’t get a refund, then it’s not that financially fair to ask him to sit at home. Asking him to do so, would be like asking him to be cool with paying something for nothing. And who do you know that loves losing money?
Look, I’m not invalidating your feelings here by any means. I’ve actually been in your shoes before early in a relationship. He wanted to go to a pride weekend with friends, and I just wasn’t that here for it. However, it finally dawned on me that I had to trust him and trust our relationship. Despite the numerous songs about the subject, everyone is not out to cheat on their partner. And to be honest, if a person does want to cheat, it won’t necessarily matter if he is at home or away. That’s where the trust becomes important. If he hasn’t given you a reason to distrust him, don’t start casting doubt on him now.
Suggestions going forward.
- If you really just feel uncomfortable about him going, then talk to him about it. I don’t mean present him an ultimatum. I mean share your concerns, and allow him the opportunity to alleviate your fears. Then, allow him to make a decision about whether he goes or stays. But remember, it’s his decision.
- If he does go on the trip, make plans of your own for that weekend. You don’t wanna be in the house all weekend thinking about what he’s doing. So call up your friends.
As always nothing but love,