Noticed you give advice on friendship stuff, and was hoping you could drop some nuggets of wisdom my way. Over the past few months I guess, I’ve really not been wanting to hang out in clubs and stuff. So when my friends ask, I’m always finding an excuse as to why I can’t go. Well a couple days back, one of my friends called me out on it. He said I never go out anymore and wondering why I’ve changed up. He kind of made me feel bad. Am I supposed to go clubbing just to please my friends? I mean what would you do? This is not a big deal right now, but just don’t want it to become one. Appreciate the help.
Getting Too Old
Dear Getting Too Old,
Thanks for writing to me. This is a question I’m excited to answer, because I can definitely relate. I’ve arrived at a point in my life where I honestly rather spend my time with friends drinking wine and talking, or at home watching the latest releases on Netflix, then living it up in the club. Don’t get me wrong. When I first accepted my “gaydom”, I was bopping around on the dancefloor, throwing back a drink or two, and at times walked away with a phone number. I had some club mileage under my belt. However, as I’ve aged, I’ve quite frankly changed a bit. And like you, I’m just not into that late night scene like I once was.
If you are anything like me, you’ve found yourself a little tired of seeing the same people, doing the same thing, in the same places. Your sleep cycle has adjusted with age, and it has become harder to leave your house at 11 or 12 at night, to return home at 4:00am. Plus, you are tired of looking at the extra pounds in the mirror you’ve accumulated from the cups of alcohol and the infamous late night “Drunk Food Runs”. So again, I’m pretty sure I can relate.
When I got tired of going out so much, I initially gave excuses to friends like you did. But after a while, I simply told them I didn’t feel like it, but made sure to share the reasons why. Also, I offered alternative hangout plans. For example, I’m a BIG fan of a good happy hour. A few margaritas, some food, and great convo, and I’m a satisfied guy. So meeting my friends for happy hour has become a great non-club option.
With all of that said, I still make an appearance at the club a few times throughout the year. And I do mean a few. I’ll usually reserve that late night fun for special occasions like birthdays, or when friends of mine are visiting me from out of town, or I’ve got RARE cabin fever. You should consider making such exceptions for yourself in the future.
Suggestions going forward.
- Sit your friend down, and explain why you don’t like going to the club much these days. Be sure to make it clear that it has nothing to do with him, and everything to do with your changing interests.
- Offer alternative situations to hang out with your pals.
As always nothing but love,