When I was hanging with my friend and cousin, the topic of sex came up. In our drunken convo, we were talking about how to know if you’re good in bed. I mean my cousin was basically like you just know. Either you got it or you don’t. My friend on the other hand said you can tell if you’re good at sex, based on the reaction of your partners. However, I raised point that people lie. A guy may moan, and tell you that you are amazing in the moment, but he could be lying. I’ve had bad sexual experiences with a guy or two, and acted like it was great, just so I didn’t hurt their feelings. So again, how do you know if you’ve got that good, good?
-I Wanna Know
Dear I Wanna Know,
Thanks for writing to me. I must say, it sounds like you’ve recently had one of those chill nights that I love. A few drinks, a few friends, and a few good topics of conversations. I love it! People that really know me, know I would prefer this over a club almost any day. But anyway, your question.
See everyone would like to think they are like Trey Songz and “Invented Sex”. However, that simply is not the case. This world is full of people that won’t be able to curl a fry, let alone curl someone’s toes. And they could be lack luster in the bedroom due to a number of factors, and none of which having to do anything with size. Unfortunately, they would never know it, because to your point, they have been lied to or witnessed somewhat phony reactions from their sexual partners. So again your question, of how do you know if you’re good in bed?
So despite folk’s ability to stretch the truth and act, your friend has the best take on figuring out if you are a good lover. A person’s reactions can tell you a lot. For example, a sexual partner asking to sleep with you again after your initial encounter is a good sign. It’s like if you cook a great meal for someone. If the meal is “clean your plate amazing,” then the someone will come back for seconds. No one wants to miss out on the opportunity to taste greatness again, if you catch my drift. LOL!
Also, while in the act of sex, it’s important to pay attention to the facial expressions of your partner. The biting of lips, the rolling of eyes in the back of the head, or even the closing of eyes altogether, are good signs. Many people who are not enjoying themselves will have their feeling of boredom plastered on their face during sex. All you have to do is look. In addition, when you see folks grabbing at bed corners and headboards during sex, that can mean some great things are going on.
Now I don’t put a lot of stock in what someone says during the moment of sex necessarily. There are a few reasons for that. For starters, some people will say a lot during sex, but the words mean nothing. In fact, some individuals will boost your head with compliments and grunts during sex, hoping they will give you a boost in the bedroom because your performance has been so mediocre. Or they are hoping the words will help you to finish sooner rather than later, so they can be done. On the flip side of things, silence is not a bad thing. Heck, some folks get so caught up in the moment they can’t articulate the passion they are feeling. While they may not utter a word, their body will shake and quiver in ecstasy.
Suggestions going forward.
- Don’t get so caught up in analyzing your skills in the sheets. Over thinking can cause anxiety and almost assure your underperformance in future bedroom encounters.
As always nothing but love,